


Best Kept Secret

by Snowflake0913



Series: Dreams do come true... Sort of [1]
Category: Norman Reedus - Fandom
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Cheating, Comic-Con, Conventions, Daydreaming, F/M, Hotel Sex, London, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Photo Shoots, Sexual Fantasy, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 10:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflake0913/pseuds/Snowflake0913
Summary: So we've all had that fantasy about what it would be like to have sex with Norman Reedus, right? This's what happens when fantasy turns into reality at the Walker Stalker Con, London.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [benevolent01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/benevolent01/gifts).



> There're no name or detailed description to the female in this story, simply for the reason that she could be anyone. She could be you ;)
> 
> This is what happens when i try to write i short story. it just dosen't work out for me... ;) there will be a part two of this as @benevolent01 gave me a great storyline to work on :)

I still feel like it’s a dream. I’m about to meet _him!_ For the first time I’m actually about to meet one of the biggest inspirations in my life. London Walker Stalker is just hours away and I can’t sleep in my lonely London hotel room. Seeing as I have no friends back home who understands my obsession with that little TV show that’s _The Walking Dead,_ and yet even less why I love Norman Reedus, I’m here all alone. Traveling for 10 hours from door to door was a piece of cake though when being alone, there’s no one else but me that I have to care for. So different from what I’m used to.

Once again, I turned towards the bedside table to check that all my tickets are still there. Normans photo ops and autograph voucher are still right there. Along with Jeffrey’s as well as the Gold lanyard. I still can’t believe my luck when I managed to snatch one of these passes, meaning I would actually be able to finally see him. In person. Live. For real! My brain started to panic all over again and I forced myself to breath as the simple thought that I would be seeing him in person in less than 12 hours hit me all over again.

I need to sleep, damnit! I really don’t want to be looking like a walking dead in the morning. I roll over in put my hands under the pillow and shut my eyes hard and force myself to relax. Next thing I know, I wake up with a stare as my phone alarm goes off.

Picking it up I linger a second longer on my screensaver, obviously a picture of Norman and almost misses that I have 2 texts from my best friend back home. The first one from after midnight.

_Glad to hear that you made it there safe_          

The second one was from just an hours ago.

_Morning sunshine. Today’s the day. Keep your shit together ;) don’t get your ass arrested cause you tried to nail him or some weird shit_

I laughed out loud and rolled over to my back and started to form a replay for my insane friend that didn’t share my obsession over Mr. Reedus at all. She was one of those that couldn’t understand what the hell I saw in him that made me want to spend thousands of pounds to go to an event like this and see him (and a few others).

_Oh, that’s a good idea, thanks_

_DO NOT TRY TO FUCK HIM!_

_Come on, why the hell would he ever even look twice at me?_

_What’re you talking about? You’re gorgeous!_

_Thanks. So are you. But you’re my BFF, you kinda have to say that_

_And you also know I’d never lie to you ♥_

_Yeah…_

_How are you doing?_

_Just woke up, going to get ready. Don’t know what to wear!_

_Yeah you do, we decided that before you left. The black jeans and blue tunic and use the push up bra. You’ve got boobs, girl, show’em off!_

_Fine…_

_And use some make-up!_

I sigh at the mention of make-up. I’m not a fan, never have been. Probably because I don’t know how to use the stuff. But before leaving, I had had a very helpful lesson and today was the time to try it out. But first a quick shower. And if I’m able, breakfast.

45 minutes later and with nothing but toast and Nutella down my stomach I’m heading outside in the grey morning, check the GPS one last time and start walking in hopefully the right direction. Within minutes I spot some fellow fans, at least if one takes a look at their outfit and I feel more confident I’m actually heading the right way. Since joying this insane fandom the one thing that fascinates me the most is how everyone really takes care of each other. I might be traveling by myself but through Facebook and Twitter I quickly discovered that I won’t be alone. I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out if its true.

Turns out I don’t have to wait that long. At the next crosswalk, when waiting for the light to turn, the two women in my own age that I’ve been following, turns to me and asks if I’m heading to the convention as well. I spot their Platinum passes and nods.

“Yeah.”

“Awesome! Are you alone?”

“Yeah, didn’t manage to convince anyone from back home to come.”

“Where’re you from? You don’t sound British.”

I chuckle and tell them where I’m from and get the same reaction as usual. Everyone assumes I’m American and when I actually tell them where I’m from they think I’m kidding. When I explain I’ve been living in the States for a year it seems they accept the fact that I’m not American and we cross the street together while I question them where they’re from and how many times they have done this.

I’m a newbie to this. And probably acted very confused the day before when picking up all my stuff at Will call but I had figured it out. I usual do.

Getting in line, I say goodbye to my new-found friends and tell them I’ll see them around. I don’t even have time to take a breath before the person in front of me, turns towards me with a happy smile on her face and asks my name. And I’m not even that social but it’s easy to talk to people who shares the same passion as yourself. And we all need to kill like an hour waiting in line so what better thing to do than share your experiences and expectations.

I really just want to get inside and get in line for Norman’s autographs but talking passes the time quicker. It’s a bit overwhelming to listen to everyone around me that has done this before and I get a little annoyed at some bitches who think they know everything and tells me they shared 10 minutes with Norman the last time, when I know it’s a fucking lie and just something they say to make themselves seem more superior. But I keep my mouth shut and let them think I believe every word.

The doors open in the middle of a conversation, where I’m mostly just listening, about Norman and his girlfriend, and my heart start to beat franticly in my chest. I can hear every heartbeat in my ears and I remind myself to breath. Not such a good start to this weekend if I pass out before I get through the damn doors. And I curse myself for not brining anything else but a granola bar and a bottle of water. I’ll be starving around lunch time!

I’ve studied the layout carefully and know exactly where to go once I’m through the bag control. Up the stairs and straight to the right and I’m there. Fifth in the line for Gold and his table is like within reach and I need to crouch down for a moment to get my head straight. I keep telling myself he’s just human. No reason to get so fucking worked up over a completely normal human being. But Norman Reeuds isn’t normal. He’s Daryl motherfucking Dixon and so much more. And although pretty much every one I’ve talked to before this has assured me he’s the nicest person on the planet and actually just pretty normal, I can’t process this right now. Not now when I’m actually about to see and hopefully talk to him. What the fuck do you talk about?! What if I can’t talk to him?! Picking up my phone, I call my best friend.

“I’m freaking out!”

“You’re will be fine.”

“No! What if I can’t say shit?!”

“Then you can just stand there and stare at him. I’m sure he’s up for a staring contest.”

She laughs and I relax a little and sit down, putting my bag behind my back.

“Fuck you!”

“I love you too.”

“Thanks…”

I say, taking a deep breath as she always has the ability to calm me down without really trying. Guess that’s what best friends are for.

“No problem… Seriously though, how are you doing?”

“I’m ok. I just got inside and headed straight for his table and I realized he will actually be here in like 1,5 hours or something. And I freaked.”

“No reason to freak out, hon. You’ll be fine.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Come on! Try to imagine him naked or something if it helps, you know like you did in school when we had to make a presentation.”

“How the hell is that suppose to help me now? That’s just the worst fucking advice ever! You just told me not to get arrested. What the hell do you think I would do if I imagined him naked?”

“Ok, ok, bad idea, sorry… But just be you. You’re a badass, start acting like one. Since when do guys make you nervous? You’ve got this. And if he offers to get naked with you, just roll with it.”

“Yeah, cause that’s really gonna happen.”

“You never know.”

“I do.”

“Would you fuck him if he offered?”

I rolled my eyes at the heavens and groaned at her question, making several people around, look down at me. Good thing they hopefully can t understand a word I'm saying.

“He has a girlfriend!”

“Hypothetically here. If he asked you, would you fuck him?”

“Fine… Yes of course I would. And so would you.”

“Not in a million years, girl!”

“So you’re saying you’re not one bit curious to see what’s actually down there after I showed you all the pictures of his package?”

“Yeah, ok maybe a little bit but…You need to stop talking about Norman Reedus dick!”

“You started it!”

“And I’m ending it. Go have fun, hon. Just enjoy this, you’re worth it.”  

“Yes, I am and yes I will.”

“Good, that’s my girl. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I end the conversation, shaking my head at this incredible weird and absolute amazing person that has been my best friend since high school. Talking to her at least had the affect I was looking for and I feel a lot calmer. Still nervous but I good kind of nervous instead of wanting to throw up nervous. So I spend the reminding hour, having a very pleasant conversations with one of the volunteers.

Out of nowhere and I’m not prepared at all, he's just there. Sneaking up from behind the curtain without no one really noticing it. I was probably not the only one who had expected to hear him coming from miles away and its a slight relief to see that I’m not the only one being a pit panicky. I jump to my feet at once and he’s right there in front of me and he gives a small smile. He has his glasses on and I hate that I can’t see his eyes but he’s so damn fine I don’t care about the glasses. He asks something and people around me start talking but my ears are not picking up on the conversation at all. It’s like my brain as turned it mash and I don’t remember how to be a normal human being. Then he turns his head a little in the other direction and I think he looks at me and I look straight back and he returns the smile I hope I have on my face. Why is it so hard to pull my shit together?!

Thankfully he turns away after a second and I have time to collect myself. He’s just human. He’s just a fucking human being! The chanting inside my head isn’t working. It’s like it knows he’s not a normal human being. Deep breaths. In through the nose and out the mouth. 5 times of doing this and my brain start to go back to normal function. And I realize the Platinum line is already moving and everyone seems so cool with this. They just talk to him. Just like that. How the hell do they do that?!

Then I remember my lifeline! Quickly I open my bag and grab the blue folder from within. I take out my gift for him. Well mien and my sons gift. Mostly his to be honest but I’m so fucking proud of the little guy I’m gonna take credit too. Having a now, 10 years old, with ADHD is a curse and blessing all wrapped in one. His ability to super focus is amazing and when I started watching Walking Dead it somehow transferred to him too although he hasn’t watched an episode in his life and he started drawing. I might be a bit biased but for being a kid he’s amazing when it comes to drawing and he for some reason picked up on Norman’s cat and turned him into some kind of superhero with Daryl’s crossbow and bike. I took a look at the alien looking landscape on the print and remember why I’m actually here. I promised to make sure Norman got his drawing. This calms me down. Mostly because I can’t let my son down and at the same time as this thought hits me, the gold line starts to move. And I panic again. Not as much as before but still… What the fuck is wrong with me?! The seconds where I step up to the table is a little bit of a blur. I know I hand over my voucher and that the lady talks to me but I can’t give a response.

There’s only 2 people in front of me.

1 person…

It’s my turn! It’s my fucking turn and I’ve forgotten how to lift my damn feet! He turns and look at me and smiles and nods his head a little.

“Hi!”

And somehow the familiarity in his voice is calming and I step forward and he reaches out to hug me over the table before I can even ask.

“Nice to met you. How are you?”

“Nervous.”

“Don’t be, you’re fine. What have you got there?”

Thank the lord! I want to yell at the heavens and thanks this incredible man for taking the lead. I don’t yell but inside the screams hurts my ears. I give him the drawing and he takes it with both hands and seems speechless for a moment. Or maybe it’s just my silly proud mama eyes that sees this. I don’t care.

“My son draw this the other week and wanted you to have it.”

“This is fucking amazing! How old is your son?”

“He’s 10.”

“What? You’re kidding me? Wow, he’s incredible. Thank you so much.”

He reaches over once more and hugs me and then takes my hand. I look down at our joined hands for a moment and want to stop time right there. Then Sean’s there as Norman shows him the drawing and they admire it together and I have a chance to restart my brain a little. It’s hard though, as he keeps holding my hand and my heart is beating so fast I’m sure it’s getting close to a hummingbird’s.

“You should’ve brought him.”

Sean says.

“Yeah, no he… He has ADHD. Can’t really cope these kinds of crowds, too much people and things to do and see. He wouldn’t know what do with himself.”

“Well, your son is incredible talented.”

“Thank you.”

I say to the managed before he vanishes from our side.

“He wrote you a little something on the back.”

He flips it over and I can see him trying to figure it out but finally he looks back up and sniggers a little.

“Sorry, I can’t-“

“I wasn’t expecting you to be able to read it. He can’t write in English yet.”

“Where’re you from? You sound American.”

“No, I’m not American.”

I tell him where I’m from and just like the ladies on the way over, he doesn’t quiet believe me and he asks me to translate for him.

“It’s says: thanks for making my mom smile and being so cool and having a cool cat. And he signed it with that date he made it and his name.”

Why is he still holding my hand? And why is he running his thumb over my knuckles? And why am I getting so fucking turned on by this simple touch?!

“You most be so proud of him.”

“I really am. He’s an incredible little guy. Intense as fuck but really awesome.”

“Can I sign anything for you today?”

“Yes. This.”

I hand him his photo book.

“Awesome. Just on the front cover or the first page?”

“Cover would be great.”

“What’s your name?”

I give him my name and he looks straight at me for a moment too long. I want to take his glasses off and just drown in his eyes but I stop my impulse to do this just as he bends his head to the book and start writing.

“You’ve incredible eyes.”

He says quietly and I’m sure I turn bright red and the hand that’s not in his start to tremble. I see him lift his head a little and look up at me sideways and I can’t speak again. My ability to form word vanished the same second he gave me that compliment.

“Do you always react this well to compliments?”

He jokes. He’s making a fucking joke! I start to stutter. I never stutter! What the fuck?! I need to bitch slap myself right now! And it works on a mental level at least.

“Not really used to them I guess.”

“Come on!”

He doesn’t believe me.

“Or maybe I don’t listen hard enough.”

“You should. Because I’m pretty sure a lot of guys have given you a lot of them. And not just for your eyes.”

This is not happening! This is so fucking insane! I gape at him, well the top of his head, as he keeps his eyes fixed on the cover of the book as he finish’s writing.

“You’re in a very good mood today.”

I hear myself say as he puts the pen aside. He straightens up and gives me an incredible smile that makes my knees buckle under me. I need to keep standing! Don’t fall on your ass in front of Norman Reedus!

“I am. It’s a very good day. Wouldn’t you say?”

“I would.”

“You should join me for lunch.”

Once again, what the fuck?! What the hell is coming out of this man’s mouth? What the fuck is wrong with him?! And once again I just gape like a damn idiot and I don’t say anything. I need to fucking say something!

“Sorry, I’m not Platinum.”

I say and show him my badge.

“Screw that. I’ll put your name on the list. Come back here in like 1,5 hours and one of the volunteers will help you get there.”

“Are you serious?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Ok, awesome. Thanks.”

“No, thank you for this.”

He says and nods towards the drawing once more as he hands back the book and finally let’s go of my hand. It feels like its burning and I’m never washing it ever again! I look at the signature and frown a little as I squint at the text.

“Thanks for the drawing. You’ve an incredible talented son and you’ve all right to be proud of him. Thanks for making _me_ smile.”

I realized as he speaks that it's  pretty much the same thing he has written on the cover.

“Thank you for being so cool.”

He sniggers and reaches out again to hug me.

“I’ll see you later.”

He says and I let go of him and turn and walks away. Once I know I’m not being watched by anyone too important, I start power walking through the sea of people. Where the fuck is the damn restrooms?! I need a bathroom! Now!

The taste of vomit starts to get stronger in my mouth and then I spot the sign. I probably push one or two people too many but I need to get to a toilet. The line is insignificant and I rush inside the closest booth. The little breakfast I ate this morning comes up as I vomit. My head spins and I try to breath normally but it’s as close to hyperventilation as one can come without crossing the line. It’s too much to process at the same time. And I think it’s all just a dream. It didn’t happen, right? I did not just have that conversation with him?

I tremble all over and managed to sit down on the floor and I rest my head against the wall as I flush down the contest of my stomach. For several minutes I just sit there, eyes closed and try to make sense of what THE ACTUALLY FUCK JUST HAPPENED!

It wasn’t real. Just some fucked up trick my brain played on me. No need to freak out over it. After telling myself this 3 times, I open my eyes and take a deep breath. And I notice the book in my hand and I see and read the signature once more. And I notice a P.S. I must have missed before.

_You’ve beautiful eyes ♥_

It is there. In actual fucking print! Norman Reedus just gave me a written compliment! Although the one about my son being awesome is so much better but this… Fuck! He likes my eyes! Why the fuck does he like my eyes? How?! Why would he say something like that? Let along, write it down?! It didn’t make sense at all to me and my confused brain.

My phone buzzes at that point and tells me to get my ass up off the floor and head to my photo op with Alanna. It's what I need to restart my brain. I reorganized my bag and drink some water before standing. I brush of my pants and exit the booth, walk straight into a woman outside and we both apologize quickly and I head for the sink to wash my hands and my mouth once more just in case. I stop when I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes? There’s nothing special about my eyes, right? Sure, they might be very blue. Like the sky on a really nice day, I remember someone telling me once. But the guy was drunk so I didn’t really count that as a compliment. I shrug and take a quick look at my very simple make-up before rushing towards Photo Ops.

                                            -----------------------------

It’s getting very close to lunch time. Although I try not to look, I find myself taking my phone out every other minute to check the time. 1:20 pm. 1:21 pm. I need to stop looking at the damn time! And although my plan is to head towards one of the vendors I spotted on the way in, my feet walk the opposite direction and up the stairs. The mass of people up there are a lot thinner than the last time I was up here. And I quickly notice why, as Norman’s table is empty and the only once there are VIP and GA guests, probably lingering in hops to get their chance if he comes back.

It’s weird that I can’t control myself. It’s like I run on autopilot right now and I’m not even sure what I’m doing but I find the same volunteer I spoke with before. But what the fuck do you say without sounding like an uptight, snide bitch? Because I’m really not that kind of person. And telling this chick that Norman fucking Reedus asking me to join him for lunch, is something I can’t say without sounding like an asshole even to myself.

But once again it’s like the universe is suddenly revolving around me and not the sun and I remind myself that I really need to buy a lottery ticket on my way back to the hotel. She comes straight up to me and beams and even remembers my name. I only remember hers because its printed on her red shirt.

“I was waiting for you. Norman told me you’d come back.”

“Well, I’m about to head the other direction.”

I confess and I can hear how nervous I am. She takes me by the elbow and tugs me forwards, walking past the table.

“Don’t be silly. You’ll be fine.”

And something in her voice makes me trust her and I follow her through the venue, not sure where the hell she takes me and I would never find it again. But finally we’re there and after talking to some beefy security personal, she shows me inside the greenroom. And I want to turn around and run as far away from there as possible. It’s not that crowded but I can see a couple more of the actors strolling around, some gathering food from the buffet, other already sitting and eating or just chilling. It seems the Platinum holders are already done with lunch for the area is empty.

“Hi.”

I jump a mile it feels like when someone speak close behind me and I curse, clenching my bag hard and whirl around. And he’s right there, way too close. I quickly step back and create a nice little gap and breathe a little easier when he’s not invading my personal space that much anymore.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No worries.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Why am I here?”

I surprise myself and him it seems, with my sudden question. And I want to kick myself in the ass. Why the hell did I ask that?! Why can’t I just be happy to be here and not question everything all the time?! Just enjoy this! Then we can freak out about it. Not now!

He takes his glasses off and place them on his head and tilts his head a little to the side.

“Because I felt like some new company over lunch and you seem like an interesting person to talk to and we both need to eat, right…? Come on, I promise I don’t bite.”

“You’d realize how fucked up this is, right?”

“What? 2 ordinary people having lunch?”

“You’re not ordinary.”

“Is that a compliment?”

He smirks and walk backwards away from me, in the direction of the food and somehow my nerves vanish and I decide to do this. Fuck the fact that I’m trembling inside and I’m ready to puke all over again. Let’s just do this! Let’s just have lunch with Norman Reedus and talk about shit! And enjoy the moment because I’m sure as hell it won’t happen again. Fuck the reasons why and just be happy, girl! And inside my head my ego is giving herself a high-five and does a victory dance.

And I can’t help myself and my eyes wander a little bit further south to his might fine ass. I mean come on! He’s walking right there! What’s a girl gonna do? It practical screams at me to take a closer look. And I do. And it’s more than fine and then I realize he’s talking to me and I didn’t hear a thing. What the fuck did he just say?

“What? Sorry?”

I hope he didn’t see me looking! Fuck, that would make me run at the door. Thankful he doesn’t turn until after I speak and I take a breath of relief.

“You have any allergies?”

“Huh…? Oh! No, no allergies. At least not to food.”

“Animals?”

“No, just people’s bullshit.”

Did I just say that? I wasn’t planning on saying that! Why does he make say things before I even think them through? To my surprise and maybe just a little bit smug, he looks back at me and gives a low, impressed whistle.

“I wouldn’t want to be on your enemy list. Damn, girl!”

“You’re not.”

“Good.”

I pay no attention to the food I’m putting on my plate. I just really need to sit down and take a breath. Not that it helps. Because when I’m finally seated, he’s right there in front of me and his knees touch mine. I move back a little and I hate that I’m so damn nervous.

“I make you nervous.”

He states and I lift my head from the plate and he has a playful smile on his lips. Like he’s enjoying this. I take a deep breath and press my legs tightly together. And my inner bitch rolls up her sleeves and kicks off her high heels. Alright, Mr. Reedus is this the way you want to play? Sorry but I promised myself a long time ago that no man, famous or not, would ever be able to intimidate me again.

“And you’re enjoying it way too much.”

He tries to say something but just stutter and I’m so damn proud of myself for calling him out on this. After a moment he just laughs and shakes his head.

“Well played… I don’t mean to make you nervous.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just hard not to be and I really don’t get why I’m here.”

“Just have some food and some nice conversation.”

“Nice conversation, huh?”

“Yeah… Tell me about yourself.”

“Why would that be a nice conversation?”

“Ok…? Now you kinda have to tell me everything.”

“What? You want to hear my life story?”

“Yeah.”

He takes a bit of his chicken.

“It’s not that interesting.”

“So you’re telling me you got this thick skin for no reason?”

Is he secretly a mind reader? Can he really read my mind? And like see my past somehow inside my brain? Or am I really that easy to read? I hope not! To give myself some time to organize my thoughts and decide if I really should tell him my life story, I take a bite of the food.

“Ok, let’s start with the basics… I already know where you’re from, so how old are you?”

“35 on Monday.”

“Happy birthday!”

“Thank you.”

“You’re here alone, right?”

“Yeah.”

“First time?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not really but it’s usually easier doing this the second time around.”

“I beat.”

“Why alone though?”

“Cause I don’t have anyone who share my level of obsession back home.”

“What level is that?”

“Beyond redemption.”

He laughs and I start relax more and more in his presents. He really is quite easy to talk to, especially when he’s the one asking all the questions.

“Favorite season?”

“Four.”

“Episode?

“5:01 _No Sanctuary._ ”

“Team Rick or team Negan?”

“Team Daryl.”

I say quickly and he grins and puffs up his chest just a little bit.

“Good answer. So how did you get into this?”

“Just like everyone else, I guess. Found it online, like Netflix or something and got hooked and have been a fan ever since.” 

“From the start? Back in 2010?”

“Fuck no… No, I started watching it 2,5 years ago.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… Ok, fine. I’ll tell you.”

I can just tell he’s pretty much jumping in his seat by curiosity and wants to know the words I’m chewing on.

“Is this where the not-interesting-story turns interesting?”

“Thanks!”

I move my leg under the table and “accidently” kicks him. He takes it like a champ however and doesn’t comment.

“You said it, not me.”

“Touché… Ok, so about 3 years ago my relationship with my son’s father ended in a very bad way and I was in a very bad place.”

“What happened?”

“He cheated on me for 3 months and when I figured it out and wanted to try to work on it, you know maybe therapy and stuff he pretty much threw it in my face and went on to move in with his new girlfriend the next week. And when it doesn’t work out, like 2 months into the whole thing and she goes back to her ex, he comes back crawling and expects me to forgive and forget.”

“And did you?”

“Fuck no!”

“Good for you.”

“Yeah, anyway it’s… It hasn’t been easy being… Thrown into the trash like that, like 8 years together didn’t matter. Took its toll I guess. And being a single parent to a kid with special needs ain’t all that easy.”

“He doesn’t see his dad at all?”

“Like one weekend every month.”

“So who takes care of him now?”

“My parents. We moved in there after we split. Finding apartments back home isn’t that easy so we stayed there for like 6 months before I found a place. And I noticed how much time I suddenly had when I was alone and didn’t have to do all that stuff couples do so I started catching up on my TV shows and movies. And I found _Walking Dead_ and I had something else than my son to be obsessive about and it really helped. And I found this, the whole fandom thing and I started joining groups and make friends and… I know it sounds really weird and a bit stupid but-“

“No it doesn’t…. So, you haven’t found someone new?”

“Nope. I don’t have time for relationships. At least not serious once.”

“What does that mean?”

I fuck. A lot and with a lot of different guys. That’s what I answer inside my head but thankfully this doesn’t come out and I simply take a long drink and wink at him over the rim of the glass.

“Well, let’s just say I’m not really into monogamy.”

He mumbles something that sounds very much like ‘who does’ but as I’m little too proud of myself at the moment, I’m not entirely sure what he says and I let it slide.

“It’s just you and your son then?”

“Yeah. And 2 cats. Although I’m pretty sure he actually likes your cat better than our own.”

“He’s an asshole. My cat I mean.”

“No, I got that.”

I say, laughing for the first time in his presence. Next thing I know I freeze as he moves in front of me a little and I feel his leg searching, finding and rub against mien in what most be a very awkward position for him. But his ankle really is right there against mien and he’s really doing it. Deliberate! And I don’t know what to do. Panic? Ignore it? Accourage it? All this in two heartbeats and he look at me, searching and wondering. Challenging maybe? In the heat of the moment and not giving a fuck what happens next, I move a little too and touch him back with my own leg.

And somehow, I suddenly know this is why I’m actually here. He needs to get off and for whatever fucked up reason, he expects me to help him out.

“Is there a restroom here?”

I ask, hopefully answering his unspoken question. His eyes says it all. While talking and enjoying my food, I didn’t see it but now his eyes has changed and I’ve been with enough men to know that look. The turned on, horny look that makes their eyes go a little bit darker and narrower. He licks his lips and straightens up.

“I’ll show you if you like.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

I bit my lower lip a little and I’m pretty sure he picks up on the double meaning of my words. He nods and looks extremely pleased as he gets to his feet and walk around the table in a hurry. I’m already on my feet and he puts his hand at the small of my back and guides me without a word. I let the fact that no one, not even his security, seem to find this strange, bother me for like half a second.

The restrooms is at the end of a very long and very dark corridor and there’s no one around at all. It all happens so fast and it feels like I've left half myself behind at our lunch. The parts that I need however to grasps what’s about to happen is still somewhat function though. We’re inside one of the restrooms within seconds and he drags me inside and locks the door behind my back.

“You’re gonna shut up about this, right?”

He uses his whole body without any kind of force and pinned me up against the door and looks down at me. And although he isn’t that much taller than me, I feel like a kid all of a sudden and I cower a little under his intense eyes. I nod quickly and feel myself getting wet with excitement.

“Good girl.”

Then his hand is on my face and he grab me hard as he catches my lips in a deep kiss that give me intense flashes from the movie _Touch luck._ Fuck! I need to stay right here, right now! Not start fantasizing about some fucking movie he made years ago. I’ve to remember this! I need to remember this!

He tastes of grilled chicken and coke with a hint of cigarettes and I feel like I can stay right there with his lips to mien, for the rest of the day without needing anything else. But he pulls away, grabbing my jaw and forces me to look at him.

“Get down on your knees.”

His request is firm but without force and I know he really is asking but yet not really expecting me to do anything less than obey. And I do. Quickly and maybe even a bit too eagerly. He sniggers quietly somewhere above me when I crunch down with my back to the door, already grabbing the hem of his jeans.

“Someone’s really into this.”

“Oh, you would never get me to blow you off unless I wanted to do it. And I have a little secret.”

“Yeah?”

He asks and puts his palm against the side of my face.

“Yeah. I’m fucking amazing when it comes to blow jobs.”

“Is that so?”

“Aha.”

“Well, why don’t you show me then. Go ahead, girl.” 

He assists me and unbutton his jeans and I sit back a little and watch every move he makes. I think he’s enjoy this a little too much and I feel him watch me watching him. It’s so fucked up that this is happening. Right there in front of me, inches away, he takes out his erection for me and I moan through tight lips. I’ve had many wet dreams at night about this. I mean, who the hell hasn’t? Every fan I’ve ever talked to would sell their soul to trade places with me right now. And I know no one will ever believe me if I ever would to tell this tale. I’m not going to believe it myself in the morning.

I watch him stroke himself slowly and I know he can tell I really want to do this. Fuck, I’m already panting a little in excitement. I lick my lips and without an invitation from him and without knowing how he’s going to react, I take charge and close my lips around the head of his very, _very_ impressive cock. His hand leaves its stroking at once and he grabs my hair instead. He throws his head back and moans and I swallow more of his length. Thanks to my non-sensitive gag reflex I make him hit the back of my throat and keep him there for long enough that I notice he reacts to it. His fingers in my hair tightens and I feel him tug to get my attention. Does he really want me to stop? Did I do something wrong? I tens at once and release him, looking up at him with worried eyes. He grabs the side of my face once more and his eyes are wild with need.

“Fucking hell, baby how the fuck did you do that?”

He’s impressed. Shocked even. And I’m so fucking proud of myself! I want to start a happy little brag dance routine right there on the floor but then I notice I still have his dick in my hand and I want that so much more. More than anything right now. I want to make him beg and scream. So I tilt my head a little to the side and looks up at him from underneath long lashes and flashes him a small, innocent smile.

“Did you like it?”

“Holly shit, girl… Did I like it? What the fuck do you think? You’ve only been at this for a minute and I’m already convinced you’re indeed fucking awesome at blow jobs. Please do that again.”

“Alright.”

I lean forward again but he stops me and I whine. What the fuck does he want now?! Why can’t you just let me do this? He laughs and I realize I’m very impatient but I don’t give a fuck.

“You’re a very eager little bitch, aren’t you…? Just don’t make me cum. I wanna fuck you.”

Holly shit! Really? I did not plan on this! My plan was just to blow him of and then go our separate ways. Now he wants to fuck me? Norman Reedus wants to fuck me. And without lingering too long on the request I find myself nodding. He nods back once before thrusting his hips forward and invites me in again. Once again, I swallow him and suck hard at pretty much his entire length. His hisses a string of curses over my head and both his hands grab my hair.

I use my teeth and grace them gently against his length as I pull away slowly and his entire body tens and he stops breathing.

“Motherfucking Christ…!”

The smug smile on my face just grows for every moan, curse and groan that comes out of his mouth. As I grab him with both hands and play with my tongue around the head, his body jerks under my touch.

“You gotta stop…! Fuck, fuck, fuck, stop.”

He steps back and I take my mouth away from him but leave my hands where they are. He bents so suddenly and grabs me by the shoulders and tugs me upright that I lose my balance and fall against him. He catches me and our bodies collide hard against each other and he kisses me all over. It’s disorienting and I can’t keep up. He’s moving so fast and the whole thing is just surreal to me and I just let it happen. I let go of every ounce of control and let him lead. Hell, he takes control so fucking good, the only thing I’m able to do is roll with it and hope for the best.

He spins me around in his arms and I feel a cold surface under my ass and I realize he has pulled my pants down and I’m sitting on the sink. Then his fingers are inside me and the shock on my face most be pretty priceless because the smile on his face is huge. He’s so fucking quick and my mind is going into overdrive, trying to keep up with him. As he goes down on me, my eyes roll to the back of my head and I try to find something to hold on to. I hear him groan in frustration half a second before he tares my jeans pass my knees and force my legs further apart and I almost lose my balance but managed to grab the side of the sink.

I’m a screamer and I want to scream, let him know that what he’s doing is just right but we’re in a public restroom and I really don’t want to get interrupted. I bite the insides of my cheeks hard and the only thing that comes out is a low moan. His tongue is working furiously and I can’t remember a guy ever enjoying doing this so much. Because he really is enjoying going down on me as much as I liked blowing him. I drop my gaze and watch his head between my legs and I’m about to faith by the sight. I can’t get it into my head. It’s not fucking possible to process the fact that Norman Reedus is right there between my fucking legs making me shake! My legs are trembling and my breathing is so labored I’m panting with my mouth open. Two long fingers are inside me and he works them just right. Not too fast and hard enough to touch me right where I want him. His tongue is working wonders around my clit and I feel my orgasm build for every touch. Damn, he’s good at this! So fucking good! And I want to drag it out, hang on a little longer but he’s making it so fucking hard!

“Fuck, Norman…!”

Saying his name makes this surreal experience a little bit more real. And he reacts to me cursing his name by lifting his head from between my legs and look up at me with a smug smile on his face. His fingers he keeps inside me and he adds a third without taking his eyes off me. I gasp by the incredible sensations of being stretch just right and I reach out and grab his bicep.

“Say my name.”

He says and the thumb on his other hand starts circling my clit and I’m done. I can’t hold on anymore! The incredible feeling of release comes from the tip of my toes and works its way through my entire body and I lose him from sight. I’m still staring at him but I can’t see him. He’s just a blurry mess in front of me and I squirm and try to keep myself from falling. His bicep is my life line and my other hand holds on to the sink for dear life.

“Please, Norman…! Fucking hell…!”

I moan his name again, forcing myself to keep it down and I cum. Hard! So fucking hard and my vision goes black for a moment. I feel the wetness from my orgasm trickle down my legs and surly over his hand as he keeps his fingers inside me without moving them. He moans too and although I can’t actually see him, I’m pretty sure he’s admiring my pussy as I convulse around him.

Before I have even the slightest chance of recovering, he forces me down on the floor again and spins me around. His hand is strong at the small of my back and he bends me forward and I fumble to find my support. My hands find the wall and I braze myself hard with my palms pressed against the teal. Then he’s suddenly inside me. No warming, no hesitation. He just slams right into me and the cry that leave me is too loud, I know that but I can’t stop it. His size fills me up so incredible good and as my orgasm is still pulsing through me, I welcome every thrust he makes by keep cuming. He leans forward over my upper body and his mouth is right at my ear.

“You’re going to have to keep it down, baby. We don’t want to get caught, do we?”

He hisses and bits my earlobe. I shake my head.

“Good.”

As he straightens up again, he grabs my hips with both hands and his fingers dig into my flesh as he starts to move harder and fast. The sound our bodies make as we collide is probably making a lot more noise than my screaming but he doesn’t care. I don’t care. I don’t give a shit if every fucking paparazzi in the U.K. walks in on us right now. I’m in heaven. Cloud number 9. Nirvana. All at once. Because, sorry guys, but size does matter. And if a guy, like him, has both size and knowledge how to use that size, every girl is helpless. I’ve always struggling with cuming when fucking strangers but he knows what he’s doing. So. Fucking. Well. And I cum again. Or maybe I just keep cuming. I’m too into my own pleasure to even care. I feel high and drunk at the same time. His cock keeps touching my sensitive walls over and over and the hard thrusts sends a shock wave of pleasure everytime he hits my g-spot. Panic starts to spread through me as I realize, I might not actually be able to pull this off again. My legs are already shaking and my arms start to give in too. My lungs burn. They want to let out a scream. I want to scream his name at the top of my lungs. But I can’t. Not here. Not now.

His hands suddenly close around my upper arms and he tugs me upright. I give up a yelp and try my best to keep him inside me. The new angle drives me even deeper inside me and I come undone at his second penetration. And I don’t give a shit if every fan in the convention can hear me, I scream his name. But I don’t even have time to let the first letter of his name escape, as his hand clamps down hard over my mouth and muffle my cry of pleasure. Somewhere in my euphoria I feel a sharp pain at the side of my neck that I can’t place but the feeling quickly vanishes, as I feel him swell inside me and empty his load.

He steps back moments later and I try to find my limbs again. I’ve to grab on to something or I’m gonna fall on my ass. I find the side of the sink once more and grab hold with both hands as he slowly lets me go, making sure I’m actually standing without his support before he steps away all the way. I have to lean forward and rest my forehead against the cool surface. My breathing sounds like I’ve just finished a marathon and I can’t control my body yet. Fuck, I don’t want to. I want to stay this high forever. I don’t want to come down again. I start to giggle. Quietly, mostly to myself but I find the whole thing so fucking bizarre and the only things that makes sense is to just laugh. I feel him move behind me and assume he’s cleaning himself up before I hear the zipper of his jeans.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

I say, still giggling and still staying bend over the sink, eyes closed and trying to catch my breath. I feel him step closer and his hand is suddenly at my ass. Caressing it softly and I moan just as softly.

“How about we do this again tonight?”

My eyes snap open at his words and something klicks into place inside my head. I kick myself for not thinking about this before fucking him. He has a girlfriend for fuck’s sake! Not my problem of course but I should ask. I need to say it. For my own sanity.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“We’ve an understanding. You don’t have to think about that.”

So I don’t. It’s really not my problem if he has a girlfriend or not. I know I don’t have anyone I’m committed to so it’s really his responsibility, right? I put that fact aside and take a deep breath and push myself upright and turn my torso around to look at him.

“Ok.”

I say and I can tell he’s surprised I’m able to let it go that easily. I’m sure he expects me to question him more about this but that’s not really up to me. It’s not my place to decide whether he thinks he’s cheating or not.

“Ok?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Good. Do you have your phone?”

“In my bag.”

I say and he turns around towards the door where my bag ended up when we first entered the restroom. He stoops and gropes for a second before returning with my phone in his hand. And I know it’s nothing to freak out about, seeing as I’ve his fucking cum riming down my legs, but he’s actually holding my phone in his hand! I’ve no idea what he wants to do but as he hands me the phone and tells me to open it, I accept it and open it before handing it over. He takes a selfie and I want to ask what the hell he’s doing but I can’t find my voice. He starts typing something and the confused frown on my face just keeps growing.

“I’ll be out of here around 7 I want you to be at the hotel before then.”

He says and hands me back the phone.

“Alright. I’ve my last photo op at 5:45 and then I’ll have to pick up some food-“

“I’ll get something. Don’t stop for food, I’ll take care of it.”

What the hell is going on? What the fuck is he playing at? Why? WHY?! I want to scream the question right in his face but all the comes out are a confused ‘oh’ as I push myself up to my fullest height.

“All you need is in there.”

He nods towards the phone.

“Ok.”

I need him to leave. Now! Just go. Leave me alone so that I can freak out alone! But he lingers, just stands there and look at me. Then a buzzing interrupt him and he reaches for his back pocket and his own phone. He reads the text quickly.

“I’ve to go. I hope you’ll see you later.”

“I’ll be there.”

I tell him, without knowing if I’m actually telling the truth or not. He gives me crocked smile and nods once.

“Good. You find your way out, right?”

“Yeah, I think I can figure it out.”

“Great.”

He reaches out and touches a strain of hair that’s stuck to my sweaty face before he turns and leave the restroom. And I bolt the door shut behind him as quickly as I possible can, as the jeans around my ankles, restrict me some.

I make it back to the toilet and sit down and don’t get up again for a very long time. My legs even go numb and I can’t wrap my head around what just happened. It just doesn’t seem real to me at all. And I wonder if it really is. Then I remember that my imagination isn’t _that_ good. And Jacob Kowalski’s voice echo’s inside my head with the quote from _Fantastic Beast and where to find them_ about ain’t having the brains to make this up. What the fuck is wrong with me?! I just fucked Norman Reedus and I’m thinking about movie quotes?! But I guess that’s just my way of cooping. Trying to hold on to something normal. Because nothing of this is normal. Far from it! Like there’s-still-wizards-living-among-us-not-normal! But the sticky and now dried fluids on the inside of my thighs are real. And the throbbing feeling in my pussy is also real. And my still frantic beating heart is most defiantly very real.

I get to my feet after shaking some life into my libs again and I take a wet paper towel and clean myself up. I’m soar, in a good way, as I pull my panties and jeans back up and fix my cloths. Finally I end up in front of the mirror above the sink and I look at myself. And my eyes find the mark on my right shoulder at once. He bit me! He actually bit me, right above my collarbone there’s teeth mark and I realize there’s where the pain came from as he emptied himself inside me.

I need to tell someone! Now! I just need to say it out loud to make it real. She picks up at the third signal. And I just shout the words right into her ear.

“I fucked Norman Reedus! Just now! We fucked in a bathroom!”

Hearing myself say it sends me right back to the first step inside the restroom with him and I remember everything, Crystal clear. And I start laughing hysterical, I can’t control it. I just fucked Norman Reedus! At the Walker Stalker Con in London. Me! I did this! I made him cum! I made him poor a little bit of himself into me. I can hear my best friend try to reach me and say something, probably question if I’m on drugs or something but I just keep laughing and launch right into the story about what just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

I check his selfie once more. At the bottom of the picture he has written the name of his hotel, room number and also who to ask for to get the key. Some Mark guy that’s supposed to be working there. The cab driver has informed me that it will take about 20 minutes to get there and it’s already been 15 and I’m shaking. Not only has it been a very long day with pretty much being on my feet the entire time, it also happens to be one of the most emotionally conflicted days I’ve had in years. I can’t help but feel bad about what happened hours earlier. I know I shouldn’t but I still do. And I don’t want to feel sorry about it because I don’t regret it. Not one bit but still… He’s taken a guy. He has a girlfriend.

Still I’m here. At his hotel and after paying, I get out of the cab and walks straight into the lobby and is greeted by a male receptionist, conveniently enough for me, named Mark. I don’t know how to explain why I’m here and I just blur out what room I’m looking for and that I’ve been told there’s suppose to be a key waiting for me. He asks me my name and when I tell him, he vanishes from view for a minute.

“Follow me, Miss. I’ll take you there.”

He says when he returns. Ok, so no key…. Whatever gets me into the damn room before I have a nervous breakdown. I follow him to the lifts and he pushes one of the top levels and we head straight up without sharing a word.

“There you go, Miss. Mr. Reedus asked me to tell you to make yourself at home and that he will be here in half an hour.”

He explains as he opens and holds open the door for me and I walk past him inside. Before I can ask one of the million questions I have, he walks away and I stand looking after him in the doorway. It’s like standing in two worlds at the same time. Two different countries maybe. I’ve one foot on either side. One still out in the corridor where everything is somewhat familiar and safe. It’s just a hotel corridor like so many others and I know I can just walk back towards the lifts, get in and leave the hotel. The other foot however is resting inside his freaking hotel room! Half my body is inside Norman Reedus’s room and there’s nothing in there that is familiar or even safe. I don’t know what will happen if I chose to step over the threshold and let the door close behind me. Everything is new and a bit scary to be honest. A part of me knows I shouldn’t be here. But an even bigger part of me wants to know, needs to know, what this is all about. Probably just sex and nothing more and I’m more than fine with that. If all he wants is to fuck through the night I’m down with that. And can you really blame me after what he showed me in the restroom?

I take a deep breath and step into the room and watch as the door closes behind me. I give a low whistle as I take a look around the spacious room with grey walls and a soft carpet in the same color. The bed is the biggest one I’ve ever seen and looks so inviting, I actually kick off my shoes and head straight for it. I dump my bag next to his closed suitcase on a big, cream colored launch chair right under the windows. I close my eyes and let my hands rest heavily on my lower abdomen and I feel how my breathing get slower and I start to relax. This bed is extremely comfortable. So much better than my own hotel bed.

No, no, no! Don’t go there! I promised myself on my way here that I would NOT spend the night with him. I would wake up alone in the morning, in my own hotel, not here. It was just going to be sex and then I would leave.

Streaming water wakes me up. Is it really raining inside? It’s the first thing that pops into my head as I open my eyes and look around in confusion. Then I remember where I am and curse when I understand that I most have fallen asleep. Right in the middle of the bed. And the water is of course not rain but the shower. He’s back! He’s here! I scramble out of my fetal position and try to wake my body to be able to move as I hear him turn of the water. Out of the blue it hits me though. He has actually asked me to be there. So why should I panic? He wants me there. But the breaths I force through my body isn’t really helping my racing heart. He’s still Norman Reedus and he makes me nervous.

And as he comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a white towel around his waist, I want to sink through the floor. I cross my legs under me and start fidgeting with an invisible stain on my sleeve. But as he speaks and I look up to watch him, I get lost in his eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hi…. Sorry, guess I fell asleep.”

“Na, don’t worry about it. I’m pretty beat too.”

He says and dry his hair on a second towel as he walks over the floor and take a seat at the foot of the bed. I hear him sigh deeply and I watch his gorgeous back. I want to reach out and touch him, just run my hands over his muscles, touch his tattoos and smell his hair. But I stay still, not moving an inch and just watch him. He turns around, puts one knee up on the bed.

“You can take a shower too if you’d like.”

Yes please! I need a shower! If I’m ever going to be able to stay awake for another hour, I need to freshen up a bit. I do have new cloths in my bag.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks.”

“Of course… I was thinking I’d order some pizza. Any special requests?”

Pizza? What? He wants to know what I like to eat? Why does he even care? And why does he bother to ask if he’s just going to fuck me and then ask me to leave? I don’t get this guy. I see his mouth move and I realize I’m staring without answering and he has probably asked the same question again.

“What…? Sorry, no I don’t really have a preference. Order whatever you like, I pretty much eat everything.”

“Alcohol?”

“Sure. If you want me to pass out.”

He looks puzzled and I continue before he has to ask.

“After a day like this, with too little food and water, I’m going to be out after the first zips.”

“Right, sounds fair. No alcohol.”

“I don’t mind you drinking.”

“No, you know what? What you just said made a lot of sense actually. Probably not a good idea start drinking right now.”

I give a little shrug as I walk past him to grab my bag. Swinging it onto my shoulder I turn again and head towards the bathroom. He makes me stop as I’ve past him and I feel his hand around my wrist and he yank me to a stop.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

“I’m not sure I actually decided anything. I just… Decided not to think too much.”

He chuckles.

“Ok then.”

“This is still beyond fucked up.”

“Yeah, I get that….”

“Oh, good I wasn’t sure.”

He reached out for my other arm and I drop the bag to the floor with a thud as he makes me turn towards him and I tens at once when his smile disappears and he looks very serious.

“I wanna see you.”

“I’m right here.”

I say, looking back at him and not grasping at all what he’s talking about. What does that mean? He doesn’t answer with words but as his hands start to open my jeans, I catch up with his thought process. He wants me to get naked. Here. Right here in front of him. And some weird power comes over me and I just reach down and tugs the shirt over my head and away from my body. It’s not sexy at all, not like a striptease, I just take my cloths of. Fast and maybe a bit messy but I do it before I change my mind. Not once does he take his eye off of me and when I’m finally done and stand before him, I watch his eyes wander all over me. Inch by inch. Over and over again and I feel more exposed than I ever have before. I’ve never been scared of being naked in front of a man before but he makes me tremble inside. The intensity in his look makes me nervous and I’ve no idea what he’s thinking. What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I mean, I know I’m not a size zero, far from it but I’m comfortable in my own skin but for some reason his opinion means more than all them other guys.

“Wow…”

I stop breathing. Wait. What? What the fuck did he just say? Or did I just imagine it? His fingers being to trace my belly and they soon close under my ribcage and he tugs to make me turn around. I turn and I hear him gasp and I know why. The colorful Phoenix tattoo covers the top of my back and it’s spread wings covers my shoulder blades and up to the back of my shoulders.

He stands behind me and he traces the ink with gentle fingers that makes me shiver.

“This is incredible. How long did it take?”

“3 sessions… Can I go take a shower now?”

His fingers vanish at once and I take a step forward and he doesn’t stop me. My skin, where his fingers have been are fucking burning! I need to get myself under control, damnit!

“You’re beautiful.”

Yeah, like that’s going to help! I can’t even say anything to this. I just stop in the doorway for a second and think about something intelligent to replay but nothing comes to mind. I step through the door and close it hard behind me and rejoice the relief of being out of his sight.

I shower quickly, feeling strangely restless and frankly extremely hungry. I hope he eats somewhat normal pizza.

Opening my bag, I groan a little. The outfit I had packed just in case of an emergency, like spilling food all over myself, is not really one I feel like wearing in his company. But there’s not much I can do about that now and I put on the navy-blue harem pants. They are the most comfortable pair of pants I own and if I could I would live in them but they’re my stay-in-bed/sofa-all-day-pants. The t-shirt is pretty fitting though and for some reason I think it will crack him up to. _I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good._  Fuck yeah! I shouldn’t even be here to begin with so the no good started already as I stepped into the room. Well, really hours before when I decided to have lunch with him I guess. This will be a tale worth telling the grandkids in the future! Of course with the dirty details left out.

I don’t have the patients to blowdry my hair, especially not when I hear a knock on the front door and a call about room service. Food! I need food! My mouth even begins to water by the thought and I throw my things together in the bag in a hast. As I open one door, the other closes and I’m glad I don’t have to face anyone else and see their question looks.

He has put the suitcase on the floor and place the tray of food at the end of the launching chair and sits waiting for me in the armchair right beside it. Please don’t start talking now! I just want to eat. I don’t even care what kind of food it is, I just need some fuel in my system before I can focus enough on a conversation with him. He seems to be in the same state of mind however but waits for me to grab the first piece of pizza before taking one for his own. A real gentleman. I crawl to the other end and get cozy in between the big pillows and take the first bit before he changes his mind. I finish it within a minute and I can literally feel the energy returning to every cell of my body. As I reach for a second slice, he gives me a can of coke as well.

“Thank you.”

“You really were hungry, huh?”

I laugh a little and nods with my mouth full of pizza and takes a long drink of the soda.

“It’s been a weird day.”

I confess and he looks at me for a long while.

“Yeah, I guess it has been.”

I move a little further away, although there’s really no way to go but the question on my lips might piss him off.

“Do you do this at every convention?”

His hand, holding on to the pizza, freezes midair and he stares at me. The silence stretches forever it feels like but I don’t surrender or apologize for asking. I really want to know. Not that it really matters but I’m pretty sure no one has asked him before. The pizza is all gone, except for some crust, before he speaks again.

“No… No, I don’t do this at every convention. It has happened before but it’s not a habit.”

“Ok, good. Thanks.”

“For what? Using you?”

“Is that what you’re doing? Using me?”

“Aren’t I? I do take advantage of you.”

He says and he sounds genuine sorry for this.

“Well, I don’t know. You stand a lot more to lose than I do if this comes out. I’m no one. No one gives a fuck who I screw around with… And besides, I don’t mind you using me. At least I didn’t when we were having lunch. I got something out of it too.”

This fact seems to cheer him up again and he drinks his coke with a smile.

“Good. Cause I wanna do that again.”

“Yeah, I figured that’s why I’m here.”

“I know it’s not-“

I cut him off, knowing what he’s going to say but I don’t need to hear it. He doesn’t have to justify himself and I don’t need his explanation.

“Look, you don’t have to make excuses or explain. Your relationship with your girlfriend is none of my business and for whatever reason you want to do this, that’s fine with me. Just keep it between us. Causal sex is something I’m very use to and something I prefer right now so I really don’t except anything else. So don’t complicate shit and involve feelings or some scary shit like that please.”

He chokes a little on the fluids in his mouth and he snorts out a laugh and coughs all wrapped together as he tries to swallow. He resurfaces after a few seconds, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Scary shit, eh?”

“Yeah, just sex. Think you can do that, Mr. Reedus?”

“That’s the only reason you’re here. Well, sex first most but I also like your company. You’re a very fascinating woman.”

“Ok, good. I’m glad we got that out of the way.”

He sighs heavily but at the same time with a very pleased expression on his face and he sit back in the armchair and put his hands behind his head. He looks tried. Very tired but I know the time difference is probably messing with his head. I hope he doesn’t expects me to jump straight into sex because I’m so damn full right now. Maybe trying to actually start a conversation now will delay it a little bit at least. I feel a lot more confident around him now. He really is a very laidback guy and it’s contagious. I pull my legs up a little bit and hug a pillow to my chest.

“How are you?”

Slowly he lifts his head and look at me for a second before letting his eyes drift to something else beside me. He shrugs his shoulders.

“Honestly?”

“I’m counting on it. I swear, I’m not going to be able to convince myself this actually happened tomorrow morning so you’re good. Whatever you say, stays right here.”

I try to lighten the mood and make him trust me a little bit more. He has no reason to trust me or share anything with me and a part of me don’t expect him to tell me anything but the other half really wants to know all his secrets. He gives a small giggle and his eyes wander to mien again and then away.

“It’s a lot going on at the moment.”

“You’re doing another season of Ride, right?”

“Yeah. We’re going up north right after this.”

“Over here?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so cool!”

“Yeah, it’s going to be great but it’s a lot of work.”

“Yeah, I beat.”

“What do you do?”

“I teach. Eight grade at the moment.”

“Fuck, that’s brave of you. Teenagers can’t be easy to deal with, I mean, I remember what an asshole I was.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true but I really love it. It’s a new challenge everyday and the kids really are awesome as long as you treat them right. Of course I’ve a few assholes too but they just need a firm hand and someone who listens. I tell you, half my job contains of being a damn therapist.”

He makes an agreeing sound and gets up from his seat and moves over to mien. He sits very close and when I lean my knees to the backrest, he reaches out a hand and puts it on top. His thumb beings to circle my knee gently.

“I get that you don’t want to get involved or maybe even know but I’m gonna let you know that… After this, when we go our separate ways, you’ll get…Financial compensation. And all I really expect from you is that you keep this to yourself.”

“You really don’t have to pay me to shut up. I wouldn’t tell anyone about this. I mean, besides the obvious.”

“Yeah, you already told someone, right?”

“I kinda had to, to get my head straight. I was freaking out a bit and just had to clear my head somehow and it helped to talk about it. Well, I think I actually yelled most of the time.”

“Why were you freaking out?”

“Why the hell do you think? I’ve had a crush on you for the past 2 years and all I wanted out of this weekend was to make sure you got that drawing and to give you hug and when… Well, you know, I got a lot more than I bargained for.”

“Alright, yeah I guess that’s fair.”

“Why me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be here and all that but… I just don’t get it. And a part of me doesn’t give a shit-“

“But the other part just asked the question, huh?” 

“Yeah, something like that.”

I confess and chuckle. We lock eyes and after a surpassingly long time where he just stares and I wonder why I don’t look away, he inhales and lets his thumb run further up my thigh.

“Those eyes of yours… It most have gotten a lot of men before me to want to find out more about you and your other… Assets.”

He’s a pretty amusing guy! Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m really nervous that makes me laugh. It starts to turn into the good kind of nervous again though and I really enjoy talking to him, although my mind is already undressing him.

“Assets?”

“Fuck, sorry I’m not that good with words. I just meant-“

“I get it. I think.”

“I just meant I got curious and I really wanted to find out more about you. I really didn’t think about fucking you until I saw you again in the greenroom. Especially when you called me out on liking the fact that I made you nervous. You’ve got some balls, girl. And that is another compliment. And come on, you’re gorgeous.”

I blush. I actually blush at his words and I look out the window but the darkness outside makes us both reflect in the glass and I can see him watch me. I look back at him through the reflection in the window and he move closer.

“You’ve got the perfect curves.”

His hands close’s around my thigh and he squeeze firmly.

“Yeah but you only surround yourself with size zero supermodels.”

“And have you any idea how boring that can get after a while? This…”

He grabs the pillow out of my hands and throws it down on the floor before circling my waist with his other arm and leans in close. We’re practically nose to nose and I can feel my lower lip tremble a little.

“You’ve amazing curves, baby.”

He runs a big hand across my stomach and in one swift motion that I’m not prepared for at all, he pulls me down onto my back and get on top of me. I yelp and giggle all at once and I hear him snigger too before he puts his hand inside my shirt.

“You really are going to be up to no good, babe.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

I say or try at least. I gasp as he lifts my shirt and start kissing my stomach, up my ribcage. He pushes the fabric aside as he goes and finally he reaches my boobs. He tears the shirt away from my body and only needs a second to get my bra off as well. If I have any doubt about him being honest about liking my curves, it goes out the window as I hear him give an appreciate moan as he grabs my boobs with both hands.

“Absolutely gorgeous.”

He says before attaching his mouth to one breast at the time and I arch my back towards his touch. I know of course, like all other fans, that Mr. Reedus has a fondness for boobs and he really takes his time to show it now. He spends a few good minutes working over my upper body with his mouth, tongue and hands. And this intense foreplay is setting my groin on fire and I just want more. I need his touch all over my body and I need it now. I want him to make me scream. And this time, I really do want to scream and not hold it back.

He probably notices my impatiens and he get to his knees between mien and roughly pulls my pants and underwear off.

“Patience isn’t your strong suit, is it?”

“Not when I’ve some very good and hot as fuck, memories from a few hours ago, no!”

“Oh, this is going to be so much better, baby, I promise you that. And here you can scream all you want.”

He winks down at me and pulls the curtains shut quickly before returning to his task. Thank the lord I decided to shave before leaving! He leans back a little and I want to yell at him to make me cum but it’s also so incredible turning on to have him watch me. Watching him watch me and seeing how damn turned on he gets just by this is…. Fucked up. It’s really fucked up that I turn him on. I’m glad, no ecstatic that I do. But I think I’m still dreaming.

“I wanna shoot you.”

He’s right in front of me again, nose to nose and he stares straight into me eyes and catches my lips in a breathless kiss. Wait. What? Shoot me? Like film this? Why? He pulls away and answers my unspoken questions.

“Just for my own eyes, baby, I swear. You’re so fucking hot and I want to remember this too.”

He runs his tongue down my throat and continues to my boobs once more. And I know he’s trying to distract me but I don’t give a shit. I just pant and move my body closer to his touch and tongue and let out a very breathy ‘yes’.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. As long as my ass doesn’t end up online.”

He chuckles and gets up on all fours and kisses me again.

“Not gonna happen, babe. Thanks.”

“It’s not the first time.”

I tell him as he gets up and he looks at me over his shoulders as he walks away to grab his phone I guess.

“Is that so?”

He asks and I take advantage of this brief paus and drink some water and try to get my breathing under control.

“Yeah, I’ve done a few.”

He finds what he’s looking for and returns with an iPad. I can’t keep up with this man and it’s exciting and a little scary that I can’t seem to anticipate his next move. Suddenly he bends down and tug me to my feet and straight into his arms and he kisses me.

“Well, now you’re all mine.”

Did he just get a little bit jealous? He really doesn’t sound that happy over the fact that I’ve done this before. I can’t linger on that now though. I don’t give a damn anyway. Then he grabs my ass and I gasp into his mouth. He pulls away, biting my lower lip and smacks my ass hard and the sound echo’s in the room.

“Get on the bed.”

I’m sorry, Sir but I don’t think so. Not just yet. I’m aware that this might backfire on me but feeling his erection poking me through his sweats makes me lose it a little. He removes his arm around me and I make my move at once. Dropping to my knees, I pull his sweats down with me and his hardness springs free right in front of me eyes. He gasps and curses my name but doesn’t back away. Why the fuck would he? I grab him by the base and opens my mouth to welcome him.

“Look at me.”

I hear him ask and I obey at once. I look straight into the iPad camera, letting my tongue dance all over the top of his dick and he curses all over again. I smirk, feeling so fucking powerful at the moment. Relaxing my throat, I swallow him and suck hard, still looking up at him and he jerks under my touch.

“Shit, shit, shit! Fucking hell, baby!”

A lot sooner than I expect or want, he tells me to stop. I probably even pout a little as he steps away from me and his cock slips out of my mouth. Once again, he yanks me to my feet and he laughs as he grabs me by the side of my neck and kisses me.

“You’ll get to suck my dick later, baby. Now get on the bed and I’ll make you scream.”

The promise he makes, sets me running into the bed. I lay back against the pillows, my knees pulled up and my hands resting on my heaving stomach. I see him set up the iPad on the launching chair and he checks both once and twice to make sure it’s just right. After making a few adjustments he turns back to me and we look at each other and his eyes are glassy with arousal and I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one breathing too fast. He removes his cloths. And as he steps up right next to the bed, demanding me to look at him, I want to stop time. I take a mental picture inside my head of this moment and I hope I’ll never, ever forget about it. He’s the pure definition of sex on legs right now! So incredible sexy, mostly because of the way he looks at me and I just want to feel his skin to mien. I want our bodies to become one. We move at the same time. I sit up and reach out for him and he bends and does the same. It’s sloppy and just passionate and I run my hands all over his back and arms and don’t really know what to do with myself. His lips leave mien and he continues down south, stops again and admire my boobs. Then his tongue dips into my bellybutton and continues towards my hipbones.

“I can smell you, babe. Someone’s very ready.”

What the fuck did you expect?! Why does guys always do this? Why do they have to talk in a situation like this? I want to complain and tell him to just make me cum but I decide to play nice and lean up a little on my elbows and look at him. He looks back at him, his chin resting against the inside of my thigh.

“For you, I’ll always be ready.”

“Such a good bitch… Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to make me scream. Please, make me cum like you did before.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I can make you cum even harder than before, baby.”

I gasp at these words and I’m suddenly a little scared. What is he going to do with me? What is he capable of? I’ve no idea. I mean, I’ve had experience but not that much and definitely if he comes up with some freaky stuff. And I’m not sure I’ll be able to say no to him even if I’m not comfortable doing something.

I feel his fingers touch me gently. He opens me up with careful fingers and I fall back against the pillows and shut my eyes hard. He pushes my thighs further apart after kissing them both and I grab hold of the sheets and let my leg fall to the side. And his tongue is on my clit and he’s so careful as he tastes me.

“Fuck…!”

The curse that leaves my lips seems to be the encouragement he needs because after that he starts working the same kind of magic like hours before. And I lose all kind of control over my own body at that point. I just let him take full advantage of me. And fuck does he do it well! I can’t keep my body in control. He’s all over and inside me and seem to know exactly where to work his finger and tongue. I lose track of how long he keeps this up but when he makes his finger rotate inside me and his tongue moves hard over my clit, I yell his name to the heavens and grabs his hair and hold him right there. And he stops. Removes his fingers and stops pleasing me swollen peak.

“Don’t you fucking stop now, your asshole!”

I tug a little harder in his hair and I hear him hiss and although I can’t see his face I know he’s also grinning. Because next second his fingers are back inside and he twists them in some way and he find a spot I don’t even know I have and it so unexpected and intense that I black out for a second. I feel sweat dripping down my back and I try to close my legs but he doesn’t let me and my legs start to shake. His tongue slaps hard where I need him the most and I come undone. I crumple right there under his touch and every bone in my body turns to rubber. All the air in my lungs vanish as I scream his name.

And I want to hit him! I think I even try to take a swing at him but he catches my arm and holds me tight as he slams inside me although my orgasm is still so intense I’m not sure which way is up and which is down. I can’t breathe! I can’t remember how to draw breaths! What the fuck?! My lungs scream for air and I start to feel slightly dizzy.

Suddenly he’s just there. Right in my face and he grab me with both hands and I feel his entire weight over me. In me. He’s everywhere. And I can breathe again. Thank the fuck! I get some oxygen into my lungs and brain again and I can see him clearly.

“There you are. Breath, baby.”

I draw a deep breath and thank the lord that he’s at least still inside me for the moment. Deep as fuck but still.

“How the hell did you do that…?! Fuck...!”

He moves his body just a fraction but it’s all it takes to send a shockwave through my entire system and I shut my eyes tightly. But he kisses me hard and I’m able to look pass the shock of what has just happened and simply finds the extreme pleasure that pulses through my body. I find my arms and legs and I wrap them all around him. My hands find his hair and I grab him hard and he moans into my mouth, telling me he really likes it. He starts to move slowly and he grabs the back of my thigh and pulls me even closer and he slips deeper inside me although I’m not sure it’s actually possible. I meet him with every thrust and I start to shake the second he moves out and back in again. I can’t control it and I’ve never experienced this before. I never knew sex could be _this_ good.

I can’t tell if he makes me cum again or if I ever stop cuming. I ran my hands down his back and I can feel him break out a sweat. But so am I and the room begin to smell of our different body fluids. I’m glad he takes charge because I can’t even tell if I’m still at the same end of the bed. I find myself on all fours without knowing how I got there and he’s behind me. I feel his hands between my shoulder blades and he caress me gently and I can feel his cock resting right at my entrance.

He curses my name as I move my hips and I rub against him.

“Ouch!”

He slaps my ass hard all of a sudden and the shock makes me cry out. It doesn’t really hurt and the word turns into a giggle. I turn my head and look back at him and he’s grinning right back at me and reached out and grabs the back of my head and pulls me up against his chest.

“Now that really didn’t hurt now, did it?”

“No.”

He hits me again, harder this time and I moan. The pain is a welcome relief from all the pleasure and I begin to see straight again.

“Do you want me to make you cum again?”

“YES!”

I yell the word at him and I feel him ease his way inside me again, still holding me tightly pressed to his chest. With one strong arm he holds me upright while the other drops to my pussy and his fingers quickly finds the right spot.

“Oh my God! Norman! Shit…! Please!”

I crumple under his touch. Again! Melt into a poodle of my own sweat, tears and cum. He doesn’t even need a minute. My legs shake so much I’m sure he’s supporting my entire weight as I climax around him and all over his hand.

“Shit…!”

He curses behind me as well and drops me back to my hands and knees. Somehow I manage to stay upright as he keeps pounding me senseless from behind. And I wonder for one horrified second when the cops are going to come knock the door in because they think someone is being murdered.

_Sorry officer, no we’re just fucking. No killing going on here._

He starts to lose control too. I can feel his thrust getting more and more unfocused and the insane idea of making him stop comes to mind out of the blue. The impulse is impossible to stop and I reach back and put my hand hard on his chest and pushes him back.

“What the fuck…?!”

He doesn’t have the time grasp what is going on and I’m very quick, wanting to put him out of his misery but at the same time drag this out just a little bit. I grab him by his massive shoulders and I hope that he’s not going to put up a fight because I’ll never in a million years be able to win that fight. Thankfully he just takes one look at me before giving in to my direction of lying back down. He’s panting with his mouth wide open and his chest is heaving in fast, shallow breaths. And his dick is screaming for realize and dripping of precum and I can’t stop myself. Kneeling between his legs I bend quickly and wrap my mouth around him. His hands fly out and grab me by the head.

“Holly fucking Christ…!”

Only once do I swallow him whole before straighten up again and I let him catch his breath for a moment. Unlike him.

“Tell me what you want to do, Mr. Reedus.”

I say and wrap both hands gently around his throbbing erection. He moans quietly and leans up on his elbows to look at me as I stroke him slowly.

“I want you to wrap that incredible pussy of yours around my cock and make me cum.”

He sits up suddenly and pulls me into his arms and take me hard by the neck and kisses me deep.

“And if you’re a really good girl, I’ll make you cum again.”

“Not before I make you cum.”

I challenge back and he nods with a grin on his face.

“We’ll see about that.”

The competition is on and I really want to win this! I remove his arm around me and pushes him back down and climb on top of him before he can get turn his own ideas to reality. I don’t even have to help his rock-hard member slip inside me as I move my hips back against him. I sit back on my heels and let him fill me up and my eyes roll to the back of my head and I realize I’m going to lose this competition. And I also know he’s going to do the same. There’s not going to be any winner in this. Or more likely, two winners and no losers. My initial thought of prolonging this fucks up the moment I start to ride him. I can’t control my own body, it searches for its realize at once and I start to move faster and harder around him. He reaches out and hold my hips hard with both hands and helps me move around him. Soon he meets me with his own thrusts and it’s chaotic and passionate and my arms give up and I collapse onto him. I bury my head in his shoulder as he wraps his arm around my back and start to set the same brutal pace he had before. And I cum again. Hard. And I scream his name into his neck and he cums with me and he crushes me to him and he closes every last inch of our bodies. My name escapes his lips as well in a muffled scream and I realize he’s burring his face in my shoulder too.

I stay still for long enough that I might actually at some point have fallen asleep. And I think he does the same, although he seems to take it to the next level. Because when I find some kind will power, I slide off him and crash to my back next to him. He jumps and curses by my movement. I guess mostly because his cock finally is completely free from my insides.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

I say and gather all my remining straight and sit up on the edge of the bed. How the hell I’m ever going to make it back to my hotel alive is a damn mystery. I’ll just have to call an Uber and pray there’s someone can carry me from the fucking car to my room.

“I think I might actually have passed out.”

He says, laughing and he tilts his head to the side and I look at him over my shoulder.

“Alright, sorry for making you pass out.”

“No reason to apologize, babe. This was fucking incredible.”

“It was. And it’s on video.”

I nod my head towards the still running iPad.

“Shit, right… You mind turning it off?”

I don’t answer him but get to my feet and turn it off before heading towards the bathroom to clean up real quick. I can’t even begin to gather my thoughts just yet. I need to sleep. Like right now. Where are all my clothes? He undressed me, right? Where? I stop at the foot of the bed for a moment and look around before spotting what looks to be my pants on the floor next to the armchair. I just have time to pick them up before he speaks, standing on the other side of the bed.

“Are you going somewhere?”

I try to untangle my underwear from the pants and don’t look up at him.

“Back to my hotel.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

I managed to get them out and I put them on. He takes a few quick steps towards me and is right in front of me.

“Please stay. Sleep here tonight. You don’t have to go back to your hotel. I don’t want you to go back to your hotel. Stay here tonight.”

“Here? With you? In that bed?”

“Yeah.”

Fuck! I promised I wouldn’t do this. I told myself I would get back to my hotel and spend the night there. Not with him. Not like this. But he really looks like he means it. He wants me to stay. And before I change my mind I nod.

“Ok.”

“Good. Thanks.”

He puts his hand on my face for a second, then he turns and head to the bathroom as well. I locate the rest of my cloths and fold them on the armchair after putting on the t-shirt. I search for my phone and charger and head to the bed. 21:20 is the time on my display but I can’t remember if it’s local time or the time back home. And I don’t care. I just notice the 5 missed calls and 3 texts that are waiting for me. I ignore the wet stains on the cover and just throw it aside and get into bed.

_Hi mom. I just wanted to say goodnight. I love you._

The text from my son chocks me up a little and I quickly text him back although I’m pretty sure he’s asleep.

_Sorry I missed your call, buddy… I love you so much. I miss you. I’ll call you first thing in the morning._

One text is from my ex, just wondering when I’m coming home but I ignore it and don’t even bother to replay. The text from my BFF however is hard to ignore as she has written the text in all capital letter and it’s like she’s actually right there, screaming in my ear and freaking out just as much as I did when I called her.

_WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIM AGAIN?! WHAT IS GOING ON?! CALL ME! TEXT ME! LET ME KNOW YOU’R ALIVE WOMAN!_

At least someone has the right kind of reaction to this. I know I will eventually but not right now. I’m too tired. It will probably hit me on the damn plane or something and I might actually cost it to crash as I realize what the fuck I’ve just done. Twice!

_I’m fine. Stop freaking out. I’m alive and well. Very well. Exhausted but in a very good way (; Yes, I fucked him again and yes I will tell you all about it but not now. Right now I just have to sleep. And don’t call! I’m spending the night in his room. Love you!_

It doesn’t even take half a minute and I get a relay.

_What the fuck?! What happened?_

_Long story short, I decided to take his offer and we’ve been at it for the past 2 hours and I can’t even see straight. I need to sleep_

_Was it good?_

_Best motherfucking fuck I’ve ever had in my life! Let me sleep!_

_Fine… But you’re ok?_

_Yes_

_I’ll kill him if he hurt you_

_He didn’t hurt me_

_Best for him._

_I’ll tell him that_

_You better!_

_I really, really, really need to sleep_

_Only if you promise to tell me everything tomorrow_

_I will_

_Ok, good. Then good night. I love you_

_Night. Love you too_

I don’t even have the energy to go though all my pictures from the day. I know I’ve a lot of friends and family back home who are waiting for an update but it will have to wait till the morning. I feel my eyes being to droop as I plug in the charger and put the phone on the bedside table. Just as I reach out and turn of the light, the bathroom door opens and he comes back out. The bed moves as he falls into it, just as exhausted as I am.

“I was worried you were going to bolt out the door while I was in there.”

“I can barley walk straight, I’m so fucking tired.”

“Yeah me too.”

He gets under the covers as well, naked, and lay on his side and looks at me. The bed is so big you can fit 2 more people in between us and as he reaches out an am towards me, he doesn’t quiet reach.

“Do you mind getting a little closer? I’ll sleep a lot better.”

He sounds like a little scared child as he speaks and I can tell he really needs the physical contact. I’ve heard through rumors that Mr. Reedus is indeed a very physical being and likes to touch and being close to people. I just find it extremely fucked up that that person is me. At least for the night. Yet I move a little and so does he. Well if he wants to get close, I’ll give him close. I’ve nothing to lose so why the hell not. I move into his arms and put my head close to his chest. He doesn’t even hesitate, he just wraps his arms around me and I take a deep breath of his scent.

“Is this close enough for ya?”

I ask, already closing my eyes and start to drift off.

“Yeah, thanks. Maybe just keep this part to yourself though.”

“Don’t worry. This will be my best kept secret. I’m not even going to believe it when I tell myself.”

He sniggers and hugs me closer.  And I’m out. Complet


	3. Chapter 3

10 hours of undisturbed and deep sleep is something very unusual for me but when I wake up it has actually been 10 hours since I saw what time it was. 10 hours and a few more minutes actually. I’m no longer wrapped in his arms and I feel strangely relived about this fact. I notice that I’ve kicked off the cover and I’m on my front, hugging the pillow. He’s not here. And I don’t hear a sound. Maybe he has already left? But it’s still 2 hours until the first set of photo ops. But as the thought goes through my mind, the front door opens quietly. He sees that I’m awake and smile.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.”

I sound like I’ve spoke a pack of smokes and I try to clear my throat as I spin around but not at all ready to leave the bed just yet.

“Did you sleep ok?”

He asks and puts a paper bag on the small table by the armchair and I smell coffee! Thank God for coffee! Just what I need right now.

“Yeah, very, very well.”

“Me too. I wasn’t sure what you liked but I figured Starbucks coffee always works and you can’t really go wrong with bagels.”

He unpacks while he talks and I’m so impressed by his consideration. And a bit confused. Well, probably more confused to be honest. Why does he do this? He doesn’t have to. He shouldn’t even care. But he does and I manage to get out a ‘thank you’ as I try to wake up and sit up with my back to the headboard.

“Here you go.”

“No, you really don’t have to-“

He comes straight up to me with a cup of coffee and a bagel wrapped in a napkin and he just waves away my protest.

“Na, you stay right there, you don’t really look ready to get out of bed just yet.”

“Thanks.”

I grab the breakfast from him and watch as he moves back to the armchair and sits down to eat, one eye on his phone. And I pick up mien and we sit and eat and brows in silence for a while. This might be even a bit more bizarre than the evening before. Or maybe not. Fucking Norman Reedus was bizarre, like out of this world. But this, just having a very normal breakfast in a hotel room comes pretty close to fucking too. He just sits there, looking extremely comfortable with the situation and it makes me relax.

“Today?”

Fuck! He’s talking. What did he say? I only pick up on one word and I assume there were a few more before that. I stop checking Instagram and lift my head and try to refocus him.

“Sorry, what?”

“What do you have on your schedule today?”

He asks, not bother at all that I didn’t pay attention the first time around. I open my Fanfest app and double check.

“I’ve a few photo ops this morning.”

“Really? Who?”

“With you.”

I say and I can hear how fucked up it sounds. And I think he actually agrees this time too because he grins and shakes his head.    

“Well, that’s…”

“Pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah but I promise I’ll try to stay professional and not fuck you in front of the camera.”

Now he laughs heartedly and winks instead and his teasing cracks me up too. 

“Thanks. I’d appreciate that. I will try to return the favor. And I’ve Jeffrey and Chandler as well. And the Khary and Cooper duo.”

“So would you be free for lunch today as well?”

The cup of coffee stops midair and my brain goes blank for the space of 2 heartbeats while it tries to figure out of he’s serious. There’s not even a trace of a joke on his face. He finishes his coffee and waits patiently while I try to process this question. But like the first time, my brain doesn’t have the capacity for this and I just go with the first thing that pops into my head.

“Sure, I could do that.”

“Awesome.”

His face lit up in a gorgeous smile and I smile too, finishing my coffee and I feel a lot more energized with some food and caffeine in my system.

“I really need to get back to my hotel now though. Can I just jump in the shower real quick and then I’ll go?”

I’m out of bed, not really waiting for an answer but he grabs me by the wrist as I bend down close to him to pick up my bag.

“What about…?”

He pulls me upright and we’re standing chest to chest and my breathing catches in my throat.

“What about I join you for that shower and then I’ll make sure you get back to your hotel and then to the venue without having to bother with cabs or ubers and shit?”

How is it possible that in the 145 590 interviews and panels I’ve watched him and he claims he is insecure and awkward in front of women? This is not the case right now, Mister! He looks me straight in the eye and I don’t even have to answer. My body give in to his question the moment he closes his mouth again and falls silent. He makes my knees start trembling just by the confident look in his eye and the husky words he speaks. And he knows it!

He takes me by the hand and pulls me into the bathroom and once again he takes away my own free will so fucking good and I’m naked within seconds. He leaves me standing in the middle of the floor and walks over to turn on the shower. On his way back, he removes his shirt and start to unbuttoning his jeans. But he stops some distance from me and I restrain myself from closing the space between us and just watch him undress. He looks a bit surprised and maybe even frustrated that I can control myself but he doesn’t say anything. And I’m glad he can’t read my mind because I’m screaming out loud inside my head. I want this man! Now! I want to fuck him again! But some strange part of me also don’t want a man to have to this kind of control over me. I need to still be me and that does not include giving in to just a look from a guy. Even though he happens to be Norman fucking Reedus and he stands naked in front of me. My self-control fights with her teeth and claws with my sexual desire at the back of my head. While they fight, my body works on its own and the need to actually wash myself takes over and I walk pass him and straight into the combined shower and tube.

The warm water is an extremely welcome relief and I turn my face up to the steady stream and take a deep breath. I hear him move somewhere behind me. Still not a word is spoken between us and I wonder if and who is going to be the first one to break. I hope that it’s not going to be me. I hope I can be the one that makes him lose it this time. But as I feel his fingers on my back, tracing the ink there, I being to quiver. He pulls my wet hair away from my shoulders and lean in to kiss my neck and his hands move to my hips and I can feel his dick begin to grow behind me.

Suddenly his hands leave my body and I want to protest but I managed to stop the complaining moan that I want to let out. He doesn’t need to know just how much I want him. Although I’m pretty sure he can read my body well enough to see it but there’s no reason for me to clarify it more. I wonder what he’s going to do and he answers my unspoken question as he reaches out for the shampoo. Is he really going to wash my hair?! He is! Fuck! He begins to massage the shampoo into my hair and I shiver from head to toe. This is one of the best things in the world; having someone else wash my hair. I close my eyes and try to imprint this moment to memory, second by second. His fingers running through my long hair. His fingertips scraping my scalp just right. His thumbs massaging the side of my neck. How he leans in close after rinsing everything away and I can hear and feel him smell my hair and give an appreciate sigh and he lets his hand sneak around my waist and land on my belly. He pushes me closer and I can feel his cock press at my ass.

I put both hands up against the wall and put my left foot on the side of the tube and push myself against him. He moans and I’m pretty happy with myself when he can’t wait another second and I feel him grab himself and he eases his way into me. I push back a little more and he slips all the way inside with ease. I can’t believe how wet me makes me! Just by being close and wash my hair. None has ever got me going that easily before. He doesn’t move and I think he wants to take his time and feel me but I don’t have the patients to wait. I need my release. I push down hard on my insides, hugging his dick hard and he lets out a surprised yelp that turns into a moaning curse as I begin to move around him. He lets me fuck him. He actually lets me take control and I ride him slowly but hard, pushing him all the way inside me every time he slips into me again.

He groans and I start to get really loud and this seem to trigger him. He grabs me hard by the waist and start to meet my thrusts. It doesn’t take long for him to find the right rhythm and each time we meet, he sends me one inch closer to climax. His big cock hits my bottoms just right and I start to lose control as my orgasm starts to build deep within me. But as the night before, he suddenly stops and I want to yell at him again but he puts his hand over my mouth. Then he repositions himself just a little bit behind me and he slams into me. Once. And I scream. I scream into his hand as I’m on the very edge of my climax. Three times he does the same thing. Slams hard inside me and leave his dick inside me for a few seconds. And my legs begin to shake. My entire body begins to shake and he removes his hand and grab my hips once more and slams me down around him again and I cum and I scream his name at the top of my lungs. Again and again he slams me down around him and the intensity in my orgasm makes my eyes roll to the back of my head and I feel him cum too and he stills inside me and lets my contracting pussy finish him off. I think he yells too but I can’t hear anything else but my own screams of pleasure.

“You’re a fucking goddess, girl. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

His lips are at my ear and I hear and not at the same time what he says, kisses my neck gently and then he leaves. I’m frozen to the spot and I might even have stopped breathing. I hear him move about the bathroom for just a few seconds before he leave and closes the door behind him. My legs give in then. Knowing I’m finally alone, makes me lose the last ounce of fight I’ve left and I sink to the floor of the bathtub and just let the water engulf me and I let my mind wander.

A knock on the door brings me back to reality and he’s back, calling my name softly as he opens the door. I lift my head from my knees and try to find him through the water pouring down around my face.

“Are you alright?”              

The concern in his voice is genuine and he walks across the floor quickly, pokes his head past the glass wall and looks at me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I say, although I’m not sure it’s actually true. He believes me however and tells me we’ve to leave in 10 minutes and ask again if I’m ok.

“I’m good, Norman. I’ll be out in a second. I just… I just need to get my head straight.”

He nods slowly.

“Ok. Your bag is right there.”

He points to the door and my bag is lying on the floor right beside it. I thank him but he lingers and I realize he probably waits for me to get up. Why does he care? What’s to him if I sit here and freak out? I sigh deeply and get to me feet and I wash off quickly, while he watches me and when I finally turns of the shower he’s right there and hands me a towel.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, of course not.”

I step out on the floor and start drying myself off. Still, he doesn’t leave. Why can’t he be a guy for once and just leave me the hell alone? Why does he linger? And why does he seem so concerned with my wellbeing? We’ve just fucked. There’s nothing else going on here but sexual gratification. Yet I can tell there’s something on his mind that he wants to tell me but for some reason he doesn’t. Maybe because I don’t ask. But I don’t’ know what to ask. What is that bothers him? I twist the towel around my wet hair and walk past him and grab my bag.

“Whatever it is that you want to say, say it because whatever it is, it’ll stay between these four walls.”

I start putting my cloths on and wait for him to take me up on my offer. He leans against the basin and watch me.

“Ok… It feels like cheating. It hasn’t before but this time… With you, it feels like cheating.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I usually just leave it at what we did at the venue. A quick blow job and I’m done but this time… Not this time and… You spend the night with me. I held you while we slept and…I want more. I want you. Again. And again and… And I know it’s not going to happen. Shouldn’t happen again but I’m going to ask you anyway.”

“I’ve already told you I’m going to have lunch-“

“No, not that… You don’t have to give me an answer right away but if I pay for all your expansive, would you fly out to Germany next weekend and spend it with me?”

I answer before I can even think it through.

“No. I can’t. I would really like to but I can’t be away from my son for another weekend.”

“You can bring him.”

“He can’t do a convention. His stress levels would shoot through the roof. It’s too many people and too much going on.”

“Ok.”

He’s disappointed. He even looks away and bows his head and I want to be able to give him another answer but he walks out of the bathroom and just asks me to finish getting dressed. Great, I managed to piss him off. Quickly I finish getting dressed and dry my hair on the towel. It will be a mess once it dries but seeing as we’re in a hurry I don’t care.

“You know, I can get back to the hotel on my own.”

I tell him, dump my bag by the door and search for my sneakers. He’s on the bed, already done. He rests his arms on his knees and keep twisting his glasses in his hands and turns his head sideways to look at me.

“You don’t own me anything.”

I tell him and stick my foot into the shoe and put it on without using my hands. He stands so suddenly I recoil a little and he looks a lot taller for some reason. The black Nike shirt fits him perfectly and his muscles are somehow even bigger this morning. He takes a few quick strides towards me and I stumble as I try to put on the second shoe. He pushes me up against the wall behind me and holds the side my of head hard as he leans in to kiss me deep. Then his hand is inside my pants and he push my underwear aside before I can even begin to grasp what it is he’s doing. Furiously he begins to insult my still swollen pussy and it’s the best kind of insult I’ve ever experienced. Not once does he let go of my lips but keeps kissing me deep and hard and he does the same with his fingers on my clit. I shut my eyes hard and bit his tongue when he makes me cum hard around his fingers.

“Now you own me.”

He says and pulls away, wiping his fingers on the inside of the hem of his shirt. I drop my head to the wall and stand panting and frankly a bit shocked. Then there’s a knock on the door and I actually jump. He laughs at me, swipes away some hair from my face and takes the hat from his head and puts it on mien.

“Come on, babe. Time to go.”

I open my mouth to protest. I need my phone but he’s one step ahead of me and hands it to me before I’ve to ask. Just as we step out of the door, my phone rings and my son’s face pop up on the display. And I need to take this. I glance up to meet Sean and some security looking guy but I chose to ignore them and they just glance at me before Sean engage Norman in a conversation and we start walking.

“Hi, baby!”

“Hi, mom. Where are you?”

“I’m just leaving the hotel. I’m heading to the convention. How are you? How are things at home?”

“Good. We went to the movies last night.”

“How fun! What did you see?”

“Coco. It was so awesome, mom!”

“I’m glad you had fun, buddy.”

“Did you meet him? Norman? Did he like my drawing? What did he say? Did you take a lot of pictures? Can I see them?”

I can’t help but laugh and even tear up a little. I’m a fucking emotional mess! There’s so much going on and just as soon as I hear his voice there’s nothing else that matters but him.

“I did meet him yesterday. He really liked your drawing, said it was one of the best gifts ever. I’ll take a lot of more pictures today and I’ll show them when I get back.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow afternoon. I’ll go straight from the airport and pick you from school, ok?”

“Ok, good! I’ve to go, mom. We’re going out bike riding. It’s really nice weather today, mom. How’s London?”

“I’m not sure yet, I haven’t been outside. I love you, baby. Say hi to mom and dad from me, alright?”

“Ok. I’m going out now.”

“Have fun, bud. Be careful and wear your helmet!”

“Yes, mom!”

He’s annoyed with me and he hangs up without a goodbye. But he usual does. He has so much going on all the time and lingers on a phone call for more than a minute is not always easy. We step out of the elevator and into the hotel parking garage when I end my conversation. Norman is still talking with Sean and the security guy puts his hand on my back and nudge me forward. Quickly I speed up and create some distance between us. I’m sure he only means well but I can fucking walk on my own! Two black SUV are waiting for us and I wonder when the car chase is going to start. I really need to stop watching all those damn crime shows!

A feel a hand at the small of my back again and I’ve already half turned around with a hiss on my lips when I realize it’s Norman. He walks to the car furthers away and opens the door for me and tells me to get in. To my surprise, he’s the only one following and when I climb in I see a driver that would’ve fitted into any spy movie, dressed all in black and wearing dark shades he could’ve been anyone.

“How’s your son?”

I move in to the left seat and put on my seatbelt and I grunt to his question as he climbs in after me and does the same.

“Good. He’s have a really good time with my parents.”

“They most be pretty awesome to do this.”

“They really are. I could never have done anything like this without them. They’re the only once who know how to handle him.”

“Is it really bad? His condition?”

“He has good and bad days. He started medicate 2 years ago and after that everything works a lot better. Especially school. At home it has never really been that big of an issue but that’s because we’ve found ways to make it work. But in school he has to do certain things and be in a certain way and he has never liked just… Falling in line.”

“Well, he should’ve too.”

“No, he shouldn’t but not everyone has the understanding or knowledge about it. They just see him as the kid that fights and throws tantrums because I haven’t done my job right.”

“He’s lucky to have you.”

“There’s really no way for you to know that but thank you.”

“Of course there is. Just hearing you talk to him and the way you talk about him now. He’s your life and you would do everything for him. Not everyone has that kind of dedicated parents. Especially not if they’ve special needs.”

I get the urge to just plant a big kiss on him and smoother him with love but I simply smile and lean over, place my palm to the side of his face and kiss him on the cheek as the cars starts moving. He takes the hand away from his face and places my arm around his waist and throws his own around my shoulder and tugs me a little closer. I get the hint and lean in to his shoulder and hug him hard.

“Thanks for being so cool.”

He says and I snort.

“Yeah, I’m not sure I can take credit for that. I wouldn’t be this cool if I didn’t have the coolest people closest to me.”

“And just so you know, my offer about Germany still stands.”

“Ok, change of subject… I wish I could go but I don’t like being away from him.”

“I get that, trust me I really do but I’m going to be a selfish asshole and keep asking you until you say yes.”

“Why? I mean it can’t possibly be that hard for you to find someone else who wants to fuck you. And you actually do have a girlfriend.”

“But she ain’t here.”

“Is that why you do this? Cause she isn’t here?”

“I get lonely…! And no, it’s not that hard but it’s been a while, I mean a very long time, since I had something like this. You were fucking amazing! And I know you liked it too.”

“I did. You’re the best one I’ve had. Ever. Period.”

“Honestly?”

I think his chest actually swells a little at praise, at least he puffs it out a little under my touch and although I don’t see his face, I know he’s smiling.

“No competition whatsoever.”

“Good.”

“Will you tell her about this?”

“If she asks.”

“Does she?”

“No, she doesn’t really care… I know how this sounds, ok? But I love her. I really do and she loves me but it’s hard when we spend so much time apart. And I need to… I need some release from time to time and when she’s not with me I’ve to find some other way to get off. Right now this works for the both of us but I know it’s going to change and she won’t be ok with this anymore.”

“And would you stop doing it if she asked you to?”

“Yes of course. I know it all sounds like complete bullshit to you because of what your ex did to you but this… My lifestyle, our lifestyle, it’s…. It complicates shit. I never wanted to go public in the first place but she insisted and this… Whatever the fuck it is that happens when I do shit like this sort of became some fucked up compromise. She pretends not knowing it happens and I pretend not knowing she calls the paparazzi everytime we go out.”

“Fuck… I wouldn’t like to step into your shoes. Really, I love you and all that but I would never be able to handle not being left alone. I would probably have a handful warrants out for me arrest within the first week.”

“Or just don’t date another celebrity. It’s been manageable before and I’ve kept myself to myself but it’s harder now.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“I don’t know if I can still fall in love. I’m too old for that shit and it really doesn’t have the same definition now, does it?”

“Why not?”

“Do you fall in love? Get all giggly and stupid and shit? Butterflies and stuff? Has it happened to you?”

“No but… Well, no I guess not but I hope I can still find that again someday. Maybe you’re right, that you don’t fall in love like when you were younger. But it’s something else and I think most of the time a lot deeper. It turns more serious a lot quicker now when you’re older, right?”

“Yeah it does… When I asked you if I could shoot you, you said you’ve done it before. Was it like this too? Do you do this too?”

“You mean if I sleep around…?”

I ask, adding a little harsh edge to the words although I’m smiling inside. He opens his mouth and stutter out a quick apology but he quickly stops when I laugh and lean way and look up at him.

“Jeez, Norman don’t sweat it…I’m just fucking with you. But I do. I do sleep around and I really like it. Right now. In the beginning, after being throw in the trash and stomped on, I fucked everyone. They didn’t even have to try. If they had a dick and they could get it up, I fucked them. It became very destructive after a while.”

“It’s not anymore?”

“No, now it’s on my own terms. Before it was just the guys taking charge and I just followed along and did what they wanted. Didn’t really care if I got anything out if.”

“And you do know?”

“Hell yeah! Like you didn’t notice when I almost punched you in the face last night for stopping in the middle of it all?”

“I noticed and I find it so extremely hot that you’re so fucking confident in your own sexuality and your body. And you’ve all right to be, because you really are beautiful.”

“Wow… Did you just turn Oprah on me? That’s some deep shit, Mr. Reedus.”

He laughs loudly and blushes just a little bit.

“Yeah, what the fuck…? Sorry, not sure where that came from. It’s true though.”

I take a moment to let this roll around in my head.

“Thank you.”

“Well, looks who can take a compliment!”

“Yeah, I’m kinda impressed too.”

The car comes to a stop and when I glance up I notice that we’ve arrived at my hotel and right on que, the driver announces our arrival.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Yeah, no worries, I’ll wait right here.”

“If I’m not back in like 10 minutes, just have them break down the door cause I might have a complete nervous breakdown.”

“Still fucked up, huh?”

“Sooo fucking way past fucked up.”

I say and jump out of the car and hurry through the doors and start searching my bag for my key card. The receptionist that check me in, calls out my name and waves when I rush past but I don’t stop. I replay with a hurried good morning and make it to the lifts. Inside I finally locate the card but as I look at the numbers of the different floors I can’t remember where the hell I stayed. What fucking number did I stay in?! It wasn’t far up, right? Maybe 3rd floor? Shit! Not now! I can’t black out on this now!

Take a guess or go back and ask? So fucking embarrassing! But it will take less time. I decide on option 2 and rush back to the reception and stagger to a halt in front of the woman I just rushed passed. Lets just do this quick and easy. I don’t even start with a friendly hello. 

“What room number am I in?”

“222, Miss. Second floor, to your left as you step out of the lifts.”

“Thank you so much!”

I reached over the counter and hugs the confused woman before running back to the lift that is thankfully still there. I push the number 2 bottom and the doors closes in excruciating slowness. I’m going to slap myself silly if I’m the reason he’s late for his photo ops! He can’t be late because of me! Why the hell did he have to wait for me?! Couldn’t he have shown his politeness in some other way? I rush out and take a left as the doors open and I remember where my room is now. At the very end! The card is in the door before I fully stop and the light turns green. I’m out of my shirt and pants before the door closes shut behind me. My suitcase is still lying open on the desk and I quickly find my favorite jeans and my white Girl Power t-shirt, a happy belated international women’s day present to myself. Then on to the bathroom and I remember deodorant! Off with the damn shirt again. Make-up! Basic. Just my mineral foundation and mascara. And some perfume. DKNY seems like a good choice today.

My hair! What the fuck do I do with my hair? I can’t do anything complicated right now! Where the fuck did I put the hat?! Rushing back to the bedroom again, I find the hat laying on the bed, although I’ve no memory of putting it there. Back in the bathroom I blowdry my hair really quick and it’s still a little damp but I don’t care. Not right now. I need to be done. I just pull it all up into a mess ponytail and put the hat back on and decided it will just have to do. Just in case I bring my small make-up bag. Shit! I’ve to repack my bag! Dumping the bag on the bed, I empty the whole damn thing and grab what I need and repack it again. And I’m done! Right? I take the first steps towards the door but stop in the middle of a step and curse loudly to myself. Vouchers! Today’s vouchers!

I turn back, find them where I put them the morning before and bolt out the door within seconds. I don’t bother to wait for the elevator but take the stairs and jump the last 2 steps on every landing.

“Damn, girl! You really are fast. That didn’t even take 5 minutes.”

I jump into the car with my breath caught in my throat and I look probably a little mad as I wipe around to look at him.

“Well, I could you imagine how fucking bad I would feel if I was the one making you wait and got in late for your photo ops?”

“That would be some be some tale to tell, wouldn’t it? Kinda hard to explain but don’t worry, I’ll be there on time.”

He said, checking his phone for the time and the car starts driving again.

“Did you have a good time yesterday? I mean, I know it’s a lot of work and extremely long hours and all that but do you enjoy it?”

“Most of the time. Some cons and days are better than other. London is so fucking big and the schedule is insane but the fans here are pretty inane. In a good way.”

“Most of the time.”

He laughs.

“Yeah, most of the time.”

“I was really tired yesterday though. The last hour, hour and half, of photo ops was a fucking nightmare. Nothing against the fans, they just crammed too many people in.”

“Yeah, I saw the schedule.”

“Did you have a good time yesterday? What did you do after lunch?”

“I watched a few of the panels and just took a look around the different vendors. There’s some really amazing stuff.”

“Yeah I never have the time to look around at that stuff.”

“That would be fun though. Imagine the fucking chaos.”

“Yeah, that would be fun. For 10 seconds than it would just be insanity.”

“How the hell do you do this? I really don’t get it.”

“I’ve gotten so use to it by now. But it is inane sometimes. But I get to meet and work with some very awesome people. And then there you.”

“What about me?”

“I got to meet you.”

“Or someone other girl at the next con.”

“That’s fucking harsh, girl…! It makes me feel bad again.”

“Don’t. I’ve had the time of my life last night.”

“Good, you were meant to.”

“Please, let me out here.”

I lean forward and touches the driver quickly and he nods.

“Yes, ma’am.”

 “I’ll see you inside.”

Norman is not following the other conversation at all and are really confused when I turn back to look at him.

“What?”

He hasn’t noticed that we’re approaching the venue and just as I speak, the car comes to a stop and I make to leave. He grabs me by the arm and I turn around to face him, half my body already outside the car.

“I need to walk through the front door, Mr. Superstar.”

I say and show him my badge.

“No, you don’t.”

“Yeah I do. I need to do something normal right now or I’ll lose it.”

“Fair enough. But take this and come see me after the photo ops.”

He hands me an autograph voucher with his one face on it.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. See you later then.”

“I really hope so.”

His words are once again very sincere and he reaches out and runs his finger from the corner of my left eye and down my cheek. I linger on his eyes for a moment and flashes a small smile before letting the rest of my body leave the car and I take a moment to orient myself once outside and I make left towards the entrances. The venue has already open and there’s so many people getting inside and still waiting to get inside. I try to remember where the hell I went the day before but I can’t. I end up stopping in the middle of the walkway and just try not to break down. This is so fucking overwhelming! His touch is still burning on my face and I’m close to hyperventilation. My breathing comes in sharp and shallow breaths and I grasp the metal barrier that is the closest thing I can grab to prevent myself from falling on my ass.

“Are you alright, ma’am?”

A male security guard becomes my salvation. He’s right there, grabbing my shoulder and tries to find my eyes. And I see him after a moment and I feel his steady hand and I find my way back to myself. I look at him and nod before taking a deep breath and slowly let go of the barrier. He doesn’t let me go though and makes sure I’m fully on my feet before taking a small step back.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I just… Yeah, I’m fine now.”

“Let me help you get inside.”

He says, spotting my lanyard as I pull myself up to my fullest height. I thank him again and he puts his hand on my shoulder and guides me to the right que, which is empty and he walks straight through, stops some regular VIPS as we get to the door and walks me inside and all the way to the bag check before letting me go.

“Get something to eat and drink once you get inside.”

He says and leaves me. I shout out a thank you to him and he turns in the middle of his steps and waves at me. And I’m inside and the madness can start again. But I’m going to enjoy this. Down to the very last minute I’m going to enjoy this once in a lifetime experience. In so many fucked up ways that is possible. And to calm my nerves I pick up my phone and call my mom on messenger and I spend a few minutes showing her but mostly my super excited son, where I am and what it looks like. Hearing his million questions and excitement as I film the venue as I make it towards the photo op area, is what I need right now. I need to know there still something normal in my life. Because this weekend did not turn out the way I plan. When I get to the area I end the conversation with lots of hugs and kisses. I get in line and the platinum’s are already moving. But I need to sit for a second. I know the line will be moving fast but I need to take a breath. I crunch down and follow the security guards advice and grab a granola bar and some water. It feels better actually. Some fast carbs are what I need right now.

I listen in on the people around me. They’re all so excited and nervous and they talk about poses and I hear a lot of them complaining about Norman wearing his glasses. Why, people?! Leave the guy the hell alone! If he wants to wear his fucking glass, let him wear his glasses! As I’m sitting on the floor, I check myself over real quick and put some lip gloss on before standing again. The girl in front of me catches my eye and I see her eyeing me and her gaze finally lands on my hat.

“Where did you find that hat? Norman was wearing the exact same one yesterday!”

She cries out and makes several other people look around at me as well. Why does people have to be so fuckin observant? And why the hell couldn’t he just have given me one of the Ride hats? Would be so much easier to explain. To give myself just a fraction of a second to think, I remove the hat and take a closer look at it. _Motorcycle club._ Fuck you, Norman Reedus!

“My dad rides and whenever he visits new shops like this he gets me a hat.”

I lie. I can lie. Right? They don’t know me so it should work.

“With the same pin and everything?”

Fuck! I haven’t even noticed it myself. But there it is. A pin of Wales flag. This is not going that well but saying that he gave it to me is going to make things even worse and I’m pretty sure I’ll be asked a 100 questions before I get the chance to get away from this girls. Once again I lie though.

“He’s born there.”

“You don’t sound-“

Give me fucking break! I want to yell at this bitch to shut her mouth and mind her own fucking business but it’s not who I am and I interrupt her with a smile instead.

“I’m not. I’m born and raised in the US but I’ve half my family in Wales.”

“Where in the US?”

The question comes from somewhere behind me and it’s clearly a “fellow American”. Right now I’m very thankful for the bossy American who demands an answer and shuts the Britt up. I see them glare at each other but I ignore them both.

“Cincinnati, Ohio.”

The line starts to move and to avoid further questions, I pretend to get buys with my phone. Thankfully everyone around starts to freak out by this time and for once I’m thankful for the chaos. I’ve to get rid of this hat! But as I remove it, I change my mind. I simply remove the pin. I’m just going to give it back to him and hope I don’t run into any more hawkeyes.

Then I’m suddenly inside the curtain and he’s right there again. Wearing the exact looking hat as the one he gave me. How many hats does this guy have? Does he just buy 5 every time he gets a new one? I hand over my ticket and put my bag on the table and I hear someone call Next and I’m half way up to him. But then everything stops and I hear Norman ask to take a 10 second break. Now?! Why now? Just do this thing already? Don’t pull anything weird shit on me now! I’ll fucking pass out. He walks straight up to me and hugs me and somehow I hug him back and I shove the pin into his hand before he continues to drink some water. Then he’s back again and steps up to the mark and opens his arms to me.

“Looks like we’re twinning today, girl.”

He says and doesn’t even wait for me to replay before he speaks again and removes his glasses.

“Where did you get the hat?”

His eyes sparkle with teasing and I want to smack him and I’m pretty sure he knows that because he grabs me around the waist and tugs me into his arms. And I can’t take my eyes away from his and I forget about wanting to smack him. His other hand comes up to my face and I grab his waist and he steps even closer and I can feel his crotch to my belly.

_1, 2, 3, click._ And the moment is over. What seemed like minutes inside my head are infect over in less than 10 seconds and I need to find my equilibrium again as he lets me go and we step away from each other. I turn and grab my bag as I run past the table and take a right around the corner and continues to Jeffrey’s line. There’s just one thing that runs through my head right now. I’ll NEVER ever, fucking ever, be able to show this photo op for anyone! I’m pretty sure I was drooling all over myself.

“Did you see that?”

“What is her fucking deal?”

“Why would he do that? You think she knows him?”

“He took his glasses of just for her…? What the hell is up with that?”

I pick up on the conversation being whispered behind my back and I know it’s the same girls from before and maybe even some new participants. Again: Fuck you, Norman Reedus! Why couldn’t he just have ignored me and just taken the damn photo like with everyone else?! Why make it such a big deal? Then again, I’m so fucking happy I think my heart as actually swelled to twice its size inside my chest. And it’s so fucked up! I’ll need a week to recover when I get home from this insane trip! The word for the weekend: Fucked up! I had expected awesome and unforgettable but this… Not this….

And now I’m there again. Stepping through the opening in the curtain and I’m not ready at all to met Jeffrey. I had a wonderful time with him yesterday as I went to get my autograph but I’m not feeling it at all right now. I just want to… I don’t actually know what the hell is that I want right now. Run and hide? Shut myself in the bathroom again and puke all my nervous out seems like a good idea. But there’s no time again and I’m asked for my voucher. Just as I hand it over and the guy takes it, the crowed around me goes wild but I shut down. I can see them, mostly girls to be honest, start screaming and waving and jumping but all I see is him. HE IS ACTULLY THERE! He’s gatecrashing Jeffrey’s photo ops and two girls in front of me who are waiting, can’t contain themselves. I get pushed and shoved as the people behind me tries to step forward but it’s quickly handled by the security around and the line goes back to normal. And I’m actually considering running away. It doesn’t seem like such a bad idea actually. Just run away and get some peace and quiet and gather myself. Jeffrey looks around when the last people in front of me are gone and I don’t move. I see Norman talk to him and Jeffrey nods towards me.

“This one has been stalking you, man…!”

He says and points to my hat and he nudges Norman in the shoulder and beams at me. Does he know? Has he told Jeffrey? Somehow I get the feeling he hasn’t. And it helps and I focus on the older of the two and walk up to Jeffrey.

“I think it’s the other way around actually.”

OK?! Where the hell did that come from? Did I just say that? But it feels like it! It feels like he’s stalking me! He laughs and lean in to give me one of this famous bearhugs.

“What do you wanna do, sweetheart?”

“I’ve no idea. I can’t think right now.”

I have no idea what Norman is actually doing behind me, as I’m determent not to look around at him but I can feel him move and I hear laughter from the crowed around so I’m guessing it’s something goofy.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. He does that a lot to me too.”

“Get your hands off her, dude.”

Norman grabs me around the waist from behind and I feel Jeffrey tighten his hold and try to tug back but my lover from the previous evening is really trying hard to and I’m stuck in the middle of the two idiot playfighting over me and in the middle of it all, the camera goes off.

“Fine, she’s all yours.”

Jeffrey says and let me go.

“It was nice to met you. Now get the hell out of here, Reedus.”

“Right. I’ll see ya later!”

He still has his arm around my waist as he tugs me forward and I get my feet working. I follow him out and not until I start walking right and he needs to go left, back to his booth, he lets me go and lets his hand run across my ass as he does.

“I’ll see ya later.”

He whispers and vanish in a sea of fans and security and volunteers and I turn the opposite direction and head towards the pick-up area. I find and pick up my picture without really looking at them and head back in line for my next set of photo ops.  

It is after my duo with Cooper and Khary that it hits me like a fucking bomb. Everything at once just comes over with full force and I can’t coop being around people right now! I make a beeline for the restrooms. Not carrying how many people I bump into or force to get out of my way. I need a restroom now! Once again, I cut in line and I hear people curse and get upset but the second I close the door and I vomit straight into the toilet again, the complaining stops. What is wrong with me? I never get this worked up! I have never reacted like this before.

But then, I’ve never met Norman before. I’ve never fucked Norman before. I’ve never been treated the same way by anyone before. And I have never. Never! Not even in my wildest dreams believed something like this could ever happen. Maybe to others but not to me! I’m just… Completely ordinary with an ordinary life and I don’t even look that good. And he’s Norman Reedus!

The first tears are followed by a complete meltdown on the restroom floor. The tears just won’t stop and it feels so good to cry and let it all out. It has been an insanely stressful weekend. I don’t think I’ve fully grasped it and I’m not sure I will, so crying makes it feel better. It’s easier to grasp when I can let myself feel it. I’m probably in some kind of shock. Everything around me is just blurry and I can’t hear anything but my own sobs. And it’s what I need right now. Just to shut off. If only for 10 minutes.

I’m a mess once the tears finally stop. I check myself in the little square mirror again and the mascara is all gone, it’s not even smeared under my eyes anymore. I must have cried a flood! I take some toilet paper and dry my eyes and face on. Fuck, my eyes are red shoot and poufy. I need to splash some water on my face. I heave myself up and find my way out of the booth and to a sink. After cleaning my eyes and actually managing to make some slightly improvement, I leave the restrooms.

And I walk up the stairs and I get in line. Again. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I’m a bit of a masochist after all. Once I’m there, I take the time to finally look at my photo ops. I retrieve the folder from my bag and the first photo is Norman’s and it’s absolutely perfect. Prior to doing this, I do the same as everyone else and look at old photo ops for ideas. And like everyone else, I’m always so damn jealous of the fans that end up with amazing and perfect photo ops. Like this one. Like mine. It’s a pretty close up picture and his arm around my waist are just visible.  If the background had been any different it would’ve passed as beautiful picture of 2 people madly in love and ready to start making out. And it’s payback time! He’s going to sign this for me! He’s going to take a good look at it and sign the damn thing for me!

“Oh my God! How did you do that?”

A sneaky young girl behind me looks over my shoulder and sees the photo.

“I have no idea.”

“How did you even ask for that?”

“I didn’t. I freaked out to be honest so I had no clue what to do.”

“It’s an awesome picture.”

“Thank you.”

I turn to the second picture and crack up at once. It really is quite hilarious. I look a bit insane and just extremely confused about what is going on as Norman is pulling me by the waist towards him while Jeffrey tugs at one arm in the other direction. And waiting isn’t that hard anymore. It’s pretty easy actually. Until I get to the front of the line and sees him again. And he looks at me and smiles as I approach. And for some reason I can’t explain I break down all over again and starts crying.

“Hey… What’s going on?”

I dump my folder on the table and try to get the tears in check but there’s no stopping it and he walks around and hugs me.

“Come on.”

He makes me follow him around the back and I’m glad to be out of sight but I can’t seem to stop this complete meltdown. When we’re away preying eyes and ears, he grabs me by the shoulders and I know he wants me to look at him, he’s searching for my gaze but I can’t look back.

“Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come here. I think you just need a hug right now.”

He says before wrapping his arms around me and I drop my head to his chest and hold on to him. And in the chaos that’s inside my head I realize he’s a great hugger. He might be the best one ever. It’s like he wraps his entire body around me somehow and I feel safe. And it calms me down. I’ve read somewhere that physical contact, like hugs, actually have been proven to have healing effect if lasting long enough. And his hugs most certainly help. My sobs ease up and I can breathe normally after a moment.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m ok. I don’t know what’s happening right now. I’m just… A bit overwhelmed.”

“It’s ok. I’ll back off.”

He lets me go and I dry my eyes with the back of my hand and shake my head quickly and furiously at him.

“No, I don’t want you too. It’s just a lot to process. I know it’s just sex and nothing else but it’s still… Fucked up. You really don’t get the impact you have on people.”

He gives a nervous little laugh and caress my face.

“No, maybe I don’t. I’m sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for. It’s me.”

“It’s not you, it’s me? Really? You’re going to go with that one?”

He’s mocking me, makes a joke and it’s really what I need right now. I need something new to focus on and hearing this, sparks the fighter inside me again. I narrow my eyes at him and punches his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me a few times by now.”

“You are!”

“Whatever, babe. If it makes you feel better.”

“It does actually.”

“Why don’t you go ahead to the greenroom and just chill for a while? You look like you need to sit down for a moment. I’ll have someone take you there.”

Before I can even begin to form a sentence about it’s not being necessary, he has called out for someone behind us and I realize there’s a whole bunch of guys standing guard with their back to us, hiding us from everyone. A bald, tall guy responds and he comes up and takes me by the elbow at once.

“I’ll come find you once I’m done here.”

He says, already walking away. I call back to him about my folder but he just says he’s going to take it and he vanish from sight and I’m guided to the greenroom. The second I lay my eyes on the couches, I give up and head straight for it after thanking the bald man. I crawl up at the end of one of them, kick off my sneakers and grab my phone and headset. Firing up Spotify to one of my soft playlists, I put the headset on and turn the volume up high enough that it shuts off everything else around me. I start browsing through my picture but I can’t concentrate. Putting the phone down beside me, I pull down the hat a little in front of my eyes and drop my head to the backrest and shut my eyes.

                                            ----------------------------------

Norman is dancing. Naked. On the main panel stage and I’m alone in the audience and I laughing so hard, I’m crying.

I open my eyes and the stage is gone but the smile is still there and it takes a moment to get rid of the dream and try to find my way back to reality. Someone is sitting beside me on the sofa and once my brain is fully awake, I notice that it’s Austin Amelio.

I remove the earbuds and turn off the music and I guess my movements catches his attention because he looks up from his phone and around at me.      

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

I don’t know what to say to him. What do I say? How do I explain what I’m doing here? I take a quick look around and the room is pretty crowded but he’s not here.

“You’re here with Norman, right?”

I feel myself gap and frown in confusion at the man in front of me as he speaks.

“I…Well, I, yeah…No, I…”

What the fuck is wrong with me! Just speak a full fucking sentence woman! He sniggers a little and nods.

“Don’t worry. I heard the story.”

The story? What story? What the hell are you talking about? Who told you? Did he tell you? What did he tell you? The panic I feel makes me want to shut out all the questions at once but I compos myself.

“Sorry?”

“You’re not the first one to have a little breakdown when meeting him.”

Thank the lord! This story I can roll with. I don’t even mind if this story becomes some fucking weird con story online. I did break down. The reason for it of course will never reach the public. I give a little giggle and look down in my lap.

“Yeah, I’m not having the best of days.”

“I don’t know, you ended up here, right?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Suddenly Sean is right in front of me and he hands over the folder I left behind to me. Its like he springs out of the floor right there and I don’t have time to say much. 

“Oh, hi. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

He says and leave again and I’m sitting with the folder in my hand, not really sure why I get the feeling that I’m getting the cold shoulder from the manager.

“It’s weird, right?”

Austin says as we both watch Norman walk into the room with Melissa. I watch him but he continues his conversation with the stunning looking woman beside him.

“No. It’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever experience in my life.”

I confess and finally Norman looks at me. He stops in the middle of a step as we lock eyes and I can hear Austin laughing behind me but I’m so focused on the blue eyes of the man that has turned my life upside down this weekend and cost me to explore emotions I didn’t even know I was capable of. Both good and bad once.

“Well, that most have been one of the most honest answers I’ve ever heard.”

“Is that a good thing?”

I ask and look back around at the actor beside me.

“Honesty is always a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So, why did you break down?”

“A lot of reasons really. I got a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation.”

“Its your first con?”

“Yeah.”

“First time meeting Mr. Reedus too then?”

“No, I went to see him yesterday too.”

“So, how come you getting through yesterday but not today?”

“I had a mission yesterday. It was easier to focus I guess. Today it just… I had some really weird photo ops and I just freaked out a bit.”

“Seems you’re doing a lot better now though.”

“I am. I think I really just needed to rest and get my head straight."

“And food! You need food!

Why in the motherfucking hell does he feel the need to jump me?! Once again he’s right in my personal space, bending down between me and Austin and looks straight at me. I lean back at once and curse.

“Holly shit! Where’s your damn respect for personal space?”

And with that I’m done playing his games and it’s time I show him how much of a bitch I can be. But Norman Reedus does not scare easy. Not at all. He really seems to enjoy it in fact and he just laughs and reaches down to take my hand. Austin on the other has the reaction I was hoping for in Norman. He looks really shocked at my reaction and looks back and forth between the two of us and I tug my hand back from him.

“I never learned.”

He says and I’ve to give him credit for being so damn persistent as he takes my hand once more and tugs harder to get me on my feet.

“No shit…? Well, let me give you your first lesson right now. Normal people, as myself, are not always overly found of insane people as yourself, as they try to become a fucking human band-aid. And I can walk fine all by myself, thank you very much.”

I keep my voice low, after all we’re in the middle of a packed greenroom and there’re a lot of eyes and hear here. Austin however cannot be left out of the conversation and hear him gulp and stutter as I turn away and set my course towards the restrooms we visited the day before.

“What did you do to her, dude?”

Austin asks.

“Screwed her.”

“Oh… Didn’t go that well, huh?”

“It was fucking awesome… Excuse me, man.”

“Sure, sure.”

Did he really just tell Austin what we did? And why isn’t he reacting to this? “Oh” What fucking reaction is that? I part of me wants to turn back and take this conversation further but I know I can’t. I would never be able to stop once I started yelling. No, that certain bitch will have to stay caged until I’m far away from this bloody country. I’m well out of sight and halfway through the dark corridor when I hear him walk quietly behind me.

“Are you really pissed?”

I grip the handle of the same restroom I suddenly get intense flashbacks from and I’ve a tone of angry words I want to throw at him. About invading my space for starters! For playing with my emotions! Gatecrashing JDM’s photo op! There’s so many questions I have for him but he is not going to answer them. Because I can even begin to form one of the angry questions, he pins me up against the door, puts his knee between my legs and I can’t escape. Fuck, I don’t want to. I don’t want to get away from him. Please, don’t let me go…!

“You love it when I invade your personal space.”

He takes my waist with both hands and kisses me deep and I fumble for him but try to get away at the same time. This is so confusing. Why is he doing this? Here? Why doesn’t he care if we get caught? And it’s like he can read my mind.

“Don’t worry, babe. No one is going to come down here.”

“Please, Norman…”

I’m breathless already and I hate him for this. I hate that I get so damn weak around him. I can’t control it. I just want him. Right now. He grabs my jaw and look at me with a smug smile on his face.

“You really are ready for me all the time, aren’t you?”

“Yes…”

What the hell! Where’s my inner bitch when I need her?! I’m a damn marshmallow in his hands and my answer is all breathy and needy. He reaches behind me and opens the door and he leads me inside and close and lock the door and I relax a little at once. He takes my bag off my shoulder and dumps it on the floor and steps back and lets his eyes wander from top to toe twice before making his move. I’m glad he’s taking things a little slower this time. I might actually be able to enjoy this while it lasts and commit it to memory better. He takes the hat off and reaches down and tugs my shirt away in the next heartbeat.

“Take your shoes off. “

I kick them off at once and he steps close at once and begins to strip off my jeans. He drops so suddenly to his knees in front of me that it takes me a minute to find my balance and I gasp. I find his shoulders and hold on as he has me stepping out of my jeans and underwear. And I’m naked, from the waist down. I hear him take a deep breath and his hands tighten around my hips. His fingers soon dig into my ass and he lean in to kiss my pubic. My hands fly to his hair and I hold on tight as his mouth travel south. He’s careful at first, tasting me with the tip of his tongue and he runs it down my slit and sucks my lips into his mouth. Over and over he does this and I start to tremble and pant.

“Sit down. Before you fall down.”

He’s standing in front of me and pushes me back and before I know it I’m back on top of the sink again and he’s between my legs and he adds two fingers. He starts working furiously. Hard and fast with so much tongue and mouth and fingers and I don’t know what do with myself and this incredible pleasure he’s exposing me to. And this time I don’t give a fuck about being loud. But apparently he does and the split second before I explode, he straightens up and grabs the back of my head and shoves me into a kiss. I can smell myself on his lips as my body tens and I dig my hands into his chest and try to pray him away but he doesn’t let go and he keeps fucking me hard with his fingers. And I cum again and again and I can’t stop and I can’t breathe and I’m so wet I can hear it as he moves his fingers and I can feel it trickle down my legs.

“Holly shit, girl. You’re so fucking incredible.”

He finally pulls away from the kiss and leans his forehead against mine but still holds me tight. I can’t find my voice. I can’t even focus enough to see him clearly. Everything is just blurry and I can feel the sweat on my face and back and I grab the wrist he holds me with.

“I’m going to fuck you now.”

What? No! Wait! Not yet! I can’t! But I can’t protest. And I don’t really want to either but I’m not sure if I can handle it. And he doesn’t wait. He must have undressed while making me cum because he simply moves me closer to the edge and reaches up a little and he’s inside me. And I yell. And he moans. And he’s gentle this time and it takes me by surprise and I come to my sense with every slow thrust he makes.

“Hey, come here.”

He says and wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer and we come face to face and I wrap my arms around his neck and we start to move together.

“There you are. Show me those pretty eyes.”

And I see him. I look straight into his eyes and I reach out and swipe away some sticky hair from his face and I kiss him once.

“You’ve beautiful eyes too.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m never going to be able to have sex with anymore else after this.”

“Why?”

He looks alarmed and even stops moving but I just shrug and laugh.

“Who the hell is going to be make me cum like this ever again? I’ll never fuck anyone this good again.”

He blushes and looks down.

“You’ll do fine.”

“Yeah, I’ll do fine but it’s not going to be _this_ good.”

I push him away from me and he steps back and we both moan as his dick slips out. He looks confused but I simply jump down on the floor and crunch down and capture his dick in my mouth at once. He hisses loudly and closes his eyes as he throws his head back and grabs me by the hair. He wastes no time and thrust his way inside my mouth and he hit the back of my throat. And I hold him there and let my tongue play along his long shaft and one hand caresses his balls.

He lets me go on a lot longer this time and I’m getting ready for his release when he suddenly asks me to stop. Panting and cursing, but he asks me to stop and I oblige and let him go and stand in front of him. He grabs me at once and starts a make-out session that is beyond anything I’ve ever had before. He’s everywhere. But in a good way. Not I’m-going-to-eat-your-face kind of make-out, it’s gentle and passionate all at once and I don’t want to stop. Ever. I want to stay in this restroom and make out with him until time runs out. But his cock is poking me hard and begs for attention and I can feel his precum soaking my lower belly and the poor man need to get off. Now. We find our way to the toilet without breaking the kiss and he sits and I stride him and help him inside me. I sink all the way around him and starts to roll my hips slowly.

“Fuck!”

He curses into my mouth and a strong hand closes around my waist. He helps me move around him without lifting me as much an inch and the move sends delicious waves of pleasure straight to every nerve in my pussy. And we start grinding hard against each other and I fall over the edge within a minute and he follows just after and we muffle each other’s scream by kissing hard and hold on to each other.

                                            -----------------------------

“I’m leaving tonight.”

He hands me my shirt and I’m sure he’s waiting for a reaction that doesn’t come as I finish dressing myself.

“Ok.”

I simply say. I knew this would happen. I’ve known it from the moment I decided to accept his lunch invitation. I’m not surprised, not upset. This is what I do. What I’ve been doing for the past 3 years. Casual sex with no strings attach. And this isn’t some weird Cinderella story with the happily ever after. He’s not my Prince Charming. He could never be. I need him to be just Norman Reeds. I need him to be the guy I fantasies about. I’ll have my memories. And they will last me a lifetime. No one is going to believe me but it doesn’t matter because this will be my best kept secret. It will be mine alone. Ours. If he wants to remember this.

He stands there and stares at me while I straighten my cloths and grab my bag. It looks like he wants to say something. Maybe ask why I’m not asking him to stay. Come on! I could never do that. He would never stay for someone like me. I’m not important enough for that. And I don’t want to be that person. I just need to get back to my own life. I need to get home and hug my son and jump right into the wonderful chaos that is my life.

He gives me a crocked little smile and touches my cheek with his knuckles.

“It was all real.”

He says.

“What was?”

“This. We did this. You actually did this. I just thought you might need to hear it from me too. It’s not just a… Fucked up dream. It’s actually happening.”

“I’m not so sure.”

I tell him and laughs. He laughs right back and opens his arms to me and hugs me tight and long. And I take one last deep breath of his scent and commit to memory.

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“You need something to remember this by.”

He says as I give him my phone. And he takes it and we take several selfies together. Finally he turns to me and I turn to him and he kisses me while taking more pictures.

“This was really, really fun… And so fucking good. Whenever you find someone who’s worthy, he’s going to be one lucky guy.”

“Thank you.”

He gives me one final hard hug and kisses the side of my head and sticks the phone back into my hand before walking out the door. I step out after him but I don’t follow. I just stand at the end of the corridor and watch him walk away. And for now, right in this moment, I’m simply happy this actually happened. It is fucked up. So fucked up! But it did happen and I’m glad it did. I know I’ll have a different reaction the second I get home and away from all this craziness and when I can finally tell someone! And maybe I even should try to write it all down. For my eyes only of course but I want to hold on to this memory. I want to keep this to myself and cherish it for the rest of my life. Fucking Norman Reedus at the Walkers Stalker Con in London 2018, is going to be my best kept secret!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be the end of part one. if you want some kind of happily ever after and not some complicated shit, don't read the next part ;)


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